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I lost part of my life - Memory loss is a terribly mean enemy. ? at the end

(This is in Relationship because it is about my relationship with myself - and grieving a the loss of part of myself)

I had actually thought about this before recently, and a question tonight sparked my thoughts about it again...... what toy do you remember playing with as a kid?

I've tried and tried and tried and I cannot remember ever playing with a toy... I remember one toy but it isn't a favorable memory.... One year, we were getting a particularly good Christmas ... and one of my gifts was a Connect Four game.... after I had opened it, but before I could play with it, my mother took it away from me and told me that she had really bought it for herself.
(Now, y'all I know that she was just playing with me - but I also remember that she and my brother played the game and I didn't even get to play with it the first time) - I remember after that that I never played with that game at all.

And that is literally THE ONLY toy I remember from my childhood. I know for sure that I never owned a bike, didn't have roller skates and for the life me don't remember a single doll that I owned or played with.

Yes- for those who may think enough about it to ask ... I did have a brain injury and had brain surgery. And long-term memory loss was one of the possible risks {not a definite risk because of the type of surgery I had} and while my entire childhood is spotty at best ( I tend to take two partial memories and put them together thinking it's one event, only to be corrected by my siblings that "This part" happened when I was 5 and "that part" didn't happen until I was 9)
- but you'd think I could remember a favorite doll or toy, wouldn't you? And I guess I'd put too much credit into thinking that since I did remember (do remember) people and events from my childhood, then I didn't lose my long-term memory.... but reality may be that I did lose a lot more of my long-term than I was aware of. (and FTR the brain surgery was 12 years ago - so again you'd think that I would have recognized this before now) But alas I didn't. This has been a recent (in the last year) discovery for me.

It seems a little ridiculous feeling this sad about not remembering what toys I played with as a kid. And why do I feel such a sense of loss over not remembering a toy?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • many things happen to us n we tend to always ask why? I hv been thru a lot too but the fact remains, life goes on. The thing that has always helped me recover was this saying, i cried because i had no shoes then i saw someone who had no feet. What makes us judge how we lived our lives are our memories n i am really sorry you lost urs i dont know if its gonna help you or not but try to live you childhood again, make toys, play games you neva know something might trigger ur memory.

    Answer by linah12345 at 3:19 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • you still lost a part of yourself mama, it''s okay to grieve for that ((((((hugs!)))))))

    Answer by RedSoxWife at 3:43 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I would think the brain injury and surgery would have something to do with it. There is nothing wrong with feeling the loss. I had no brain injury, but I can hardly remember any childhood. I just recently found a lot of grade school friends on facebook, they remember so much, I remember NOTHING! all I remember is their name and faces, I feel terrible and I'm afraid to tell them, I do feel a sense of loss, I understand what you're going through

    Answer by joanie70 at 6:13 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I've been dealing with memory loss, too. And grieving is fine, allow yourself to grieve. That is also a part of who you are. My memory loss is due to ECT (shock therapy). I had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago and I would have died if not for the ECT. I'm still getting it for anxiety and depression but less frequently. Luckily for me, I don't remember the "bad" times, but I did loe a whole year of my life. I try not to think about it too often because I'm determined to stay well and move forward. So you're not alone and I'm grateful for you to have survived brain surgery, pretty scary thing! Embrace what you can remember and just say to yourself, "that was then and this is now." That's the advice my psychologist and psychiatrist give me so I'm passing it on to you!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:58 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

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