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Just curious - What do you think of this? Would you say something? Long, sorry :)

Recently seen on my sister's facebook profile. Message to our other sister : "Hey, wanna take a day and go to Dunkin's and shopping this week? You can keep ( daughter) out of school. Attendance doesn't count until kindergarten :)"

This is a woman who is living free in our parents refinished basement with her three kids, receiving food stamps and state aid, and getting child support. She constantly complains about having "no money" but always seem to be going shopping for something unneccesary. She also keeps her kids out of school regularly for reasons like "going to the zoo", "making a trip into the city", and "taking the kids to see ( some show)". Her kids have also been out of school "sick" so many times this year that she has had to go into the principal's office to explain it.

So my questions are- 1. Where in the heck is this shopping and eating out and taking the kids places money coming from? 2. Why would you not only teach your kids that having fun was more important than going to school, but encourage other people's kids to feel the same way? And 3. Would you say something to her about this? She has nearly gotten her kindergartener suspended for poor attendance. He's in KINDERGARTEN for crying out loud!!
I know its my sister's business how she raises her kids, but now she is bringing in our younger sister and trying to show her how to be a "cool mom". She has also invited me and my year old son to these "school skipping" parties, and I have always declined even though my son is too young to understand that they are skipping school to have fun. I don't want him to think that it is ok even for a second. Unfortunately, my refusing invitation after invitation has created a sort of division between me and my sister, and I don't want to make it worst by saying anything, but for my sons sake I will.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Mar. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Alot of times you can use food stamps to eat or buy things from a deli, so maybe she is using some of that to pay for food. Money wise she has money coming in and isnt paying rent, so there you go. I wouldnt concern myself in her financial or personal spending habits since in all honesty it isnt your business where her money comes from or how she chooses to spend it. I would only be concerned with the poor attendance habits because if there are too many unexcused absences eventually the school can refer her to juvenile court and she could get into alot of trouble. Maybe you should talk to your parents about those concerns and see if they have any suggestions on how to make sure that doesnt happen.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:40 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Just because she is related to me doesn't mean that I would treat her any different than a friend.

    If she is setting a bad example, I wouldn't care if it was starting a rift between us. I am the best parent I can be and she will always be my sister but I don't have to show my children what a bad parent is. Nor would I condone what she does and would not make excuses for it to my kids.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:38 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I personally would not get involved, unless the school had issues or needed witnesses for something. Karma does exist.
    If the parents don't mind, and the school is not forcing the issue I would let it go. We take fun days off from school sometimes one child at a time, and they love it.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:46 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Part of the problem is that when she moved in with our parents she agreed to pay for the utilities she uses, and has NEVER paid them a dime after living there for over nine months ( through a very cold winter, where the oil bill tripled from last year). Every time she gets her child support or whatever ( I really have no idea where money comes from, she spends so freely ) our parents tell her what the bill were for that month, what they were the year before so she knows the difference, and that they expect her to pay her portion. Every time, she wheedles out of it, crying and telling them she has no money to give them, it costs x to to x for her kids, and so on. Every time they let it go, because they don't want to throw their grandkids out on the street. If it were just her, she'd have been in a shelter a long time ago. It has come to a point where the siblings who have jobs (she has none btw) Cont.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:22 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • cont. Have had to give our parents money to get them through. Our dad was really sick a few years ago and their finances still haven't recovered from it, and they still haven't been able to cover the hospital bills. So I feel we DO have a right to know where her money is coming from. Technically, she is spending OUR money, since we are coving the bills she promised to. She doesn't go to a deli, she goes to Dunkin donuts, McDonalds, and other chain stores.And she has been in serious trouble with the school. Her kindergartener is repeating kindergarten and her preschooler is repeating preschool due to absences, and the school HAS asked for explanations from family members, since they no longer believe my sister. I don't want to get into it, but she is a bad example to her kids and my kids and it pisses me off.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:27 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • mine miss more in pre-k!

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 10:05 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • She does this simply because she knows she can. She probably knows your parents won't do anything because of the love they have in their hearts for their grandchildren. It is a sad situation. However I do believe that the school by law will be responsible to report poor attendance if this continues, so eventually this will catch up to her. I think you should sit down with your sister and talk to her about how you feel. I don't think you are being in her business, I think you just want the best for her and her children. Your parents need to stop enabling her to not pay her part, as this is not helping with her being responsible. Hopefully she will understand and not take offense to what you are saying, you are only doing this out of concern. I hope everything works out.

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 7:10 PM on Mar. 29, 2011