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2 Bumps

How can you love someone so much but hate them at the same time!

fell in love 4 yrs ago. had our ups and downs, good times, bad times, but stuck it out. the last year, i worked, supported him, me, my 3 kids and his 2 kids, and he stayed at home. he had a good reason, dont get me wrong. but i hated it. i felt used by him, felt worthless as a mom cuz i was never there, always at work, arguing and fighting over everthing and nothing at all! well, short version is, i got sick of it, told my kids to prepare themselves, and i told him i was leaving. screaming match later, me and my kids were gone! got a house 3 days later, doing great. but! oh my graviness! i hated our relationship and resented him for how he made me feel, and he went overboard on a few things i aint mentioning when i left that at that time all respect for him was gone! january is when i left and the end of february i get a call and we start talking. hell, i quit drinking 3yrs ago because we get into big fights with both of us drunk. i loved to drink and i quit to make it work!! n-e ways, we are "talking" getting along so freaking great it is scary, and ladies, there is so much love there, for reals its gross! but i don't wanna be more than friends or ya know with benefits, but he dont want that. he wants me to give up my house that i rent, move back in with him (he owns) and it be ok. he does have a temper and i am scared of it, but what would be the best way to get back out of what i was in?

 
MommaFossil

Asked by MommaFossil at 8:36 AM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (437 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Oh, and you can't really change another person, they have to change themselves. Is it really fair to try to? I say move on!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 9:19 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • keep renting your own place!! I would start from the beginning and work on dating. then take it just like a new relationship...
    LiviLove613

    Answer by LiviLove613 at 8:40 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • i played that game with my ex for a long time. things would get better and i would go back..we would fight, i would leave. i think he liked having me around to be a care taker for HIS kids and to also help financially. Plus, he was always afraid i would go after him for child support so he was always mister nice guy with me. I'm so glad the light bulb went off in my head because when i called him out on everything he turned real ugly.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:43 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • i read it.

    DEFINITELY don't move back in with him yet. Just "date" him for now. If he really loves you, he'll wait until you're ready to move back in. Take it slow. You don't want to jump right back into a situation just to find nothing has changed. Wait a long while until you realize whether or not he really has changed. So many times, men convince the women to come back & it's the same old crap all over again. Don't let that happen. Keep your apartment & just date him like you used to when you first met. If he can't handle that, then you should not move back in with him AT ALL. It should not be his way or the highway....that is a red flag. If he can't wait for you , then he is not worth it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:43 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I am sooooo truly sorry it is that long!!! who in their right mind would sit and read the book i just wrote up there!!??
    MommaFossil

    Comment by MommaFossil (original poster) at 8:38 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • he does have a temper and i am scared of it......has this changed? or are you stil scared of him=not good for you or kids

    what would be the best way to get back out of what i was in?....not sure what you are asking..how do you back out of what you left? you left-already out of it, ..or are you saying how to tell him that you are not going back to him

    ?????

    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:41 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • as for title question
    How can you love someone so much but hate them at the same time!

    you love the person he was, or think he could be again or person you wish he was
    you do not like (hate) the person he is..the person who is scaring you

    the heart is loving what is not real, the head is hating the reality that is in your face/real

    ** listen to your head, it tells you the truth. the heart will cloud judgement by making excuses for the ugly truth***
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:44 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Dont go back and end it completely. A clean break is always the best and with what you have described you are lingering, talking, friends with benefits really? You need to cut him off and only talk about the kids, visits, etc and keep it brief and to the point. You need time to recover from the relationship and realize you deserve more. You know you do, you left.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:44 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • my kids thinks thats its okay to be friends to a point, but thats it. my kids opinion matters on what they think, and my 15yr old been thru alot with me and him. and she flat out told me i am stupid. i agree, but i did promise all 3 of my babies that we was not moving back in that house for a long time, if that, but now its like, in the past week, i feel i still love him, but...i just don't want to even "date" him again for God knows how long and waste the rest of my good years on him....

    MommaFossil

    Comment by MommaFossil (original poster) at 8:58 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I would keep renting the house your in now and do jump into that routine again...the men always say they are gonna change but never do so takw it slow and make the decision on your own. Don't let him pressure you into doing something that you aren't comfortable with.
    shelle21

    Answer by shelle21 at 9:18 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

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