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How would you react.....

if you decided to spy on your almost 16yr old girl and save messages her and her friend wrote back and forth on the computer with out her having a clue, and find out she is a lesbian, and has been for a minute, but you had suspicions, but no evidence, until the spying. its not that i disapprove or judge her, its just she is so touchy about the subject, i don't know how to start the conversation without her pushing me out her way and storming off, when i just want to assure her that i am on her side?

Answer Question
 
MommaFossil

Asked by MommaFossil at 8:47 AM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 10 (437 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I wouldnt say anything. First of all as a teen she is going to be pissed you invaded her privacy. That is all she is going to see. If she knows and admits she is gay, then thats a good start for her, she isnt hiding or ashamed, she just hasnt told you yet. Instead I would introduce topics about gay marriage and other things in the news and talk about how you are actually all for it. That might give her a sense of peace and she will tell you. In the end though, shes going to tell you when she is ready.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:50 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • maybe you could try to find a movie to watch together..(i couldnt think of one off hand.) but maybe you could make comments throughout the movie and give your honest opinion..maybe that will make her want to open up some
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:51 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • i would feel like an asshole for spying on her first off and if it is suspected you have already mentally prepared yourself for such things so whats the big deal? Just tell her you love her just the way she is and for her choices in life even if you don't agree, you are proud of her for being able to make that choice even if it isn't always easy.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 8:52 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I wouldn't say anything to her about reading her stuff. I would, however, find a way to bring up how everyone should be free to love whoever they want, and that people shouldn't judge.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 8:56 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • she knows that i love her no matter what and she tells me everything else...but why not this...do you think that she is ashamed of telling me?

    MommaFossil

    Comment by MommaFossil (original poster) at 9:00 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • She hasn't told you because she is afraid of what your reaction will be. Let her come to you in her time. Don't tell her that you stooped down to spying on her.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:06 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Maybe she hasn't told you because she's not positive herself. Or maybe she's just not ready. While I don't discount the possibility that she is, I think that it's something SHE needs to bring to you. It sounds like she already knows you love her and you have a fairly open relationship. That's great. But I wouldn't push this.
    BuddyRoo

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 11:15 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Don't say anything. When she is ready to come to you about it,you will be ready.
    thecoffeefairy

    Answer by thecoffeefairy at 1:40 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Why is it hard for you to talk with your daughter about her sexuality? If she knows you love her despite of this, why is it hard? I would think if she talks to you about everything else, you as the parent, can have a civilized talk with her about this as well...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:12 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I'm a lesbian. First let me say this - it is NOT a CHOICE. And saying that to someone who is gay is offensive.

    You have no idea the tremendous fear of having to tell your parents - whether you have a good relationship with them or not. You also may not realize how you have sent the message that being gay is unacceptable ... or there's something wrong with it ... or it's weird. Those msgs are so innocuous to hets, but so meaningful to gay ppl. Think about the environment you live in. Are people there accepting? Even if you have not expressly made it known that you have a prob w/ it, do the people your surround yourself make it known?

    I would wait until she comes to you but in the meantime, let her know that you accept her no matter what. And please don't tell her you looked at her texts. That will shut her down.

    Message me if you want to talk further.
    4EqltyMom

    Answer by 4EqltyMom at 1:28 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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