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Should I feel bad?

I have a friend who is separated from her husband. She has about 4 different guys she expresses interest in, and now has one that she has decided is the one for her. He's gone to jail, to prison, and doesn't pay his child support. He is with the mother of his child right now, about to go to jail and is telling my friend he wants to be with her when he gets out. I've listened to her talk about all this and bitten my tongue for a while now.

This morning, she was telling me some more stuff, and I just couldn't bite my tongue anymore, and I told her that I don't really agree with what she's doing. I told her I didn't want to hurt her, or tell her what to do, but that I think this guy is not the best for her or her son.

Now, she wants me to support her in what she's doing. My question is should I feel bad for telling her what I thought? And, should I support her in doing something that I so strongly disagree with? And if I should support her, how do I do that?

 
wendythewriter

Asked by wendythewriter at 11:22 AM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 33 (61,976 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • There's no reason for you to stand by and watch her make stupid decisions when she asks for your opinion. Supporting her means helping her make good choices, not lighting the match while she showers in gasoline.
    SusanTheWriter

    Answer by SusanTheWriter at 11:26 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Nope. Don't feel bad, and you don't have to support what she is doing. But you should always support her as a person.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 11:23 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • "Now, she wants me to support her in what she's doing" Why would she expect this AFTER you told her what you think? You should not support someone who is going against your judgment.
    Whimsee

    Answer by Whimsee at 11:31 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • no you shouldnt at all. i would have said the same thing.. maybe worse haha.. its hard to support someone that you dont agree with.. and in the end i am sure he will hurt her and all you can say is ' i told you so ' .. :(
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 11:24 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • If you disagree with what she is doing, you disagree because you CARE about her and don't want her to get hurt. You can't change how you feel (or act like it) just because she is in denial about the harm that could come out of the situation and your concerns for her well-being. I think you did the right thing by stating your opinion here, and she should not hold it against you for being honest about how you feel. It's not like you are telling her what to do, just stating your opinion. You can't be supportive about something with which you disagree.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 11:42 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I do not think you should feel bad for telling her the truth. You can still be her friend and help her with things. But, I do believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion. She just wants you to tell her what she wants to here. You can support her but not when it comes to him if you feel that strongly about it.
    kittymom430

    Answer by kittymom430 at 11:46 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • You wouldn't be a good friend if you ignored this and let her jump into a bad situation. You can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do, but as her friend you need to at least voice your opinion. Be glad that you at least let her hear and outside opinion, so even if she does get with this guy she can still know someone else is looking out for her. I suggest trying to get her to go on a blind date with a friend of yours. Someone that you know will treat her well.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:14 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Jazz, I don't have any single male friends. Plus, the truth is...she married her first husband after knowing him 2 weeks, her second husband after 6 weeks. She never dated in high school, and is now acting like she's in high school with the way she goes on about all these guys. I think she'd be better off not dating at all and just taking care of herself and her son, but...she wants to date.

    Thanks to everyone for your answers. She didn't seem to really get upset with me, but I just started wondering if maybe I was out of line and overstepping. I'm glad to know that I didn't, though.
    wendythewriter

    Comment by wendythewriter (original poster) at 12:33 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • No you shouldn't feel bad and you shouldn't support her decision if you don't agree with it. But you should still support her as your friend. Hopefully she'll open her eyes soon.
    SheIsMySunrise

    Answer by SheIsMySunrise at 12:39 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I wouldn't feel bad in the least, and I definitely wouldn't support what she is doing. She'll figure out that this guy is a deadbeat when he gets out and gets her knocked up and leaves without paying child support, or when he gets out and sponges off her for a while. Sometimes you just have to let people learn from their mistakes.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:10 PM on Mar. 29, 2011