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Rules of becoming a step mom question

Ok so just a general question about becoming a step-mom. If you're in a similar situation. When is it your time to voice opinions about your step kids with such issues as temper tantrums when told no, the father (your SO) being way to lenient and basically letting the kids rule the house when they are here? Etc......when does it come time to intervene or say something? And lets says I have spoken up, and its met with anger resentment and excuses? I'll give an example, SO's one child is a picky eater. Never eats regular meals with the family. But throughout the day will ask for snacks over and over and over, to where its like every 15 minutes. When I say no you just had something, or no cause you didn't eat dinner with us, the next day I am given flack about saying no. Nothing else is addressed, just that I said no. To which the argument starts about that they are never told no and I guess while they are here, nothing should be asked of me because God forbid I say no, its a crime.

When do rules apply? Am I aloud, seeing as I am not the main parent? Some of these things very much interfere with our lives and relationship and it's hard to bite my tongue anymore.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Mar. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • Touchy subject...i was a step mother for many years to my SO child, i made it very from the first time i met his son that the rules of my house apply to my children as well as his. I don't think your out of line by saying NO but try to figure out a way to tell your SO that your not being unfair. Maybe he is just being defensive as most us parents are....i know when it comes to my kids i am however, i am open minded and try to get to the deeper route, like you said nothing but the NO is addressed.

    Answer by BalooSkii at 11:59 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • This has been some what of an on-going issue. He rarely says no. His youngest who is 5 seriously rules the house when she's here, from the shows we watch, to bed time, to eating, as I spoke of. I hate seeming like a nag but it gets downright annoying at times.I have tried talking about it and things are thrown back in my face. I feel as if this is a learning age for her and to be honest, worry about having a spoiled brat on our hands in a few years. I find myself angry a lot when they are here and I hate feeling that way, but it stems from his actions and how he just does not see some rules are needed and the word "No" is ok to say. I'm at a loss right now and I know this sounds bad too but dread when they come for the weekends. Am I horrible?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:07 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I will try to answer your question b/c my husband (step parent) is in your shoes. Sometimes its easier to just say yes.....I don't feel like arguing so I say yes, then hub gets mad. Or maybe he feels guilty for never seeing them,and doesn't want to seem like bad guy for having rules. You are right, in the long run, could end up with spoiled brats, I'm guilty of doing this too :(

    Answer by hazeleyezmommy at 1:13 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Sorry, but you will have to get on the same page with him if you don't want to lose your mind. Your house, your rules, no exceptions. He needs to understand that if at 5 he is not taught to respect you and your things, once he is a teen look out! Tell him his lack of co-operation is not only a deal breaker, but putting strain on your relationship....then gentely remind him where his penis goes lol.

    Answer by salexander at 1:35 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

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