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7 Bumps

What should I say? Should I say anything?

My SO and I are going through a very tough time right now. We're pretty much done with each other but neither of us wants to admit it because neither of us wants to leave. I keep wanting to talk, but it seems like everything I say just pisses him off futher. Neither of us understand where the other is coming from. Even if we were to be officially done, it's very bad timing right now because we're 2 days away from taking a paid-for vacation with my family. So it looks like we're still going on this trip, and I'm hoping it might give us time to relax and rekindle but with my family there it's not a good place to duke it out. Anyway we haven't talked since last night and I want to call him and say SOMETHING because I hate sitting here sulking but I don't know what to say. Everything I had to say has already been said. I don't want to apologize because I don't feel like I did anything wrong, and I don't think the best thing to do right now is kiss and make up. Feelings need to be changed not forgotten.  But I still can't give up. Advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Usually when my husband and I are in that state, one of us will call the other with a stupid joke to break some ice. Maybe you do that and then just say you want to have a nice trip, you're looking forward to some relaxation time with him and can you both just put things aside for the sake of the trip.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Well we went through a time very similar to what you're describing, I don't have the answers. We ended up going to a marriage seminar and a pastor named Mark Gungor talked. Although a pastor, he does not preech to you, if he didn't come right out a say he was you wouldnt even know it. If you two really want to work on it, try looking this guy up, he has several DVDs you can buy, yes a bit pricey, but he does talk about communication and he's absolutely hilarious. Not an overnight fix, but we go back and watch it every now and then and its a real eye opener for both of us. GL to you, I know how crappy this feels, wish I could give you HUGS :)
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 12:55 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • take a deep breath and relax. Go on this trip as if you guys are best friends. let go of whatever issue you have because you dont want to argue with family around. Call him later today and talk normally. Dont bring up anything about your fighting or whatever issue you have. If he is sounding annoyed by even just normal talking, let him go. He will call back. He may realize that your tone was different and you werent going to start anything with him.
    It took me a long while to understand the whole "pick your battles". A lot of things arent worth it. Just step back and hang out and have good times on vacation. Look at your relationship and maybe you'll determine its not for the best you stay together. Its all about compromise. I'm sure you both have to change sometime with each other. the question is, is the change worth it? is it apart of you?
    DaNanny28

    Answer by DaNanny28 at 12:56 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I agree with DaNanny28
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 1:07 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • i once read a saying that went something like this -
    do i want to be right?
    or do i want to be married?
    like when you first get married, and they give you advice and tell you not to sweat the small stuff, but don't really say what the small stuff is, or how to let it go. just let it go. when dh comes home, give him a back rub. hold his hand. give him a kiss and tell him you missed him. sometimes when my dh and i fight, i just pretend the argument never happened, and we start making up. if we end up discussing it later, fine, but sometimes, when you're fighting with your best friend, sometimes you just want to get back with your best friend. it hurts being on ends with him, and i just want the hurt to stop. i hope you're able to make it through this time, g/l
    AngryBob

    Answer by AngryBob at 1:08 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I can't really give you direct advice but I can tell you what happened with my dh and I. We were going to split, we had friends coming to visit (my dh's old Army buddy) and his family. We "pretended" to be the happily married couple we once were. That was over 10 years ago and we celebrated our 19th anniversary in December. Not saying it was perfect, but it helped us realize that we did want to stay married and it worked. Just avoid the hot button topics while on vacation, keep it light and try to keep in mind what it was you loved about him and remind him why he fell in love with you! GL.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:11 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • how about writing him a letter?
    joanie70

    Answer by joanie70 at 7:07 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

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