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how should i move my kids from a big, close (yet dsyfunctional) family?

i think the best desicion 4 me and my kids is 2 move outta state..demographically, we live n a state that's 3rd n the nation 4 foreclosures and 4th n highschool drop outs, the houses r over priced, the people r underpaid, and the town is overcrowded. their school is now a failing school...but , even more kids have a large family that is very close, but unfortunately 3 out of 5 of them is on drugs, including their father and his drugged out girlfriend that goes 2 the clinic everyday 4 methodone!i've already stated she is 2 have no responsibility over them, and he has obligied...but after her there will just b another crackhead...and he won't b honest next time about her hangups...bcuz i've flipped my lid over this my do i make my kids ok with leaving this family they spend EVERY holiday with, EVERY other weekend with, and have never known ne thing else?

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Asked by yomamaporter at 10:51 PM on Nov. 27, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • If this family is as dysfunctional as you say they are (which I'm sure they are), are your children really leaving anything behind? Probably not with the exception of their father to some extent which is common. Abused and neglected children tend to still want a "relationship"with the negative parent because they want to believe that the parent still loves them. My advice would be to get you and your children into some sort of family counseling where all of you will be able to vent your feelings in a comfortable and trusting environment because even though moving is the best thing for all of you, it will be hard for all of you in may ways and on different levels. Hope this helps some and best of luck to all of you.


    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:37 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Just GO. Don't worry about "making them OK" with it; sometimes you MUST make them unhappy in order to keep them safe.

    Our job as Mom is NOT to make the kids happy. It's to keep them safe and healthy. If happiness comes along with that, it's the best of all possible worlds. But safety and health cannot be sacrificed for happiness.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:23 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I had to do the same thing. My kids and I moved out of state after my parents and my sister tried to tell the GAL that I wasn't a fit parent to take care of my kids. They were mad at me b/c when my children all told me my mother is the reason they had bruises all over their legs, I called the police and had them (kids) make a statement and the police took pictures. I have to live with my decision to believe my pathalogical liar of a mother that she'd changed. She used to beat me as a kid. She seemed to have changed and I wanted to believe her - but obviously she hadn't. Now she wonders why I don't have anything to do with her!! Well, my kids come first! ALWAYS!


    Answer by Babylove76 at 7:46 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Just go, your kids might get upset but they will get over it and they will be better off in the long run.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:21 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • omg I thought my family situation was disfunctional.Personally I think you are doing the right thing , I know a family well used to know one where most of them were drug addicts and it all started with the mums b/f shooting up infrount of them ,now most of the kids in the family are addicts themselves now they are grown up .I dont know what to suggest you say to them b.c obviousley they love their dad unconditionally its going to be hard for them .just suggest they move to a better area where they can make lots of nice friends .

    Answer by loulou332 at 10:06 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Run, don't walk, far away from these toxic people and never look back.

    YOU are your children's family!

    Answer by catholicmamamia at 10:36 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Legally, you probably cannot move that far away because of custody issues. You should talk to your lawyer (or whoever handles custody issues) before you get any big ideas in your head.

    Answer by wallylicious at 11:07 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

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