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Is it a bad thing if when my son was born, I felt indifferent - didn't feel possessive, didn't care if everyone else held him but me, felt almost like he wasn't really mine-? Is it normal to feel that way at first?

I didn't necessarily feel like it wasn't real, just that he wasn't really MINE, ya know? It was like my motherly instincts didn't kick in!

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Asked by BrokenWill at 7:14 PM on Jul. 9, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (16)
  • You know, I did not feel that way when my son was born. But my sister did and I have had a few friends that were.

    Answer by Jessnpat2 at 7:21 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • I would say it is very normal. You do love him now though right? You would protect him with your last breath right? Don't worry how you felt then. Focous on now. Lots of new mom's dont feel the mommy urge right after birth. Your fine!

    Answer by vbruno at 7:21 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • It may take a while for it to kick in hun, It defiently takes some getting used to esp right after they are born I looked at my son and I cried and I just thought 5 minutes ago you were in my tummy now I am holding you, this is truly a blessing and I just cannot believe I did that. The miracle of birth is amazing and I am excited to be partaking in it again.

    Answer by JustinScottsMom at 7:21 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Don't beat yourself up! It has taken everyone I know a little while to feel that motherly connection. I bet you are more possessive than you think! I used to think "this baby doesn't feel like mine" but when someone would give me parenting advice or something, it kicked in that "this is my baby, nobody would do a better job than me". And keep in mind what a "job" an infant is...I'm sure once you're sleeping through the night again, once the diapers and throw up start to slow down, once your breasts are yours'll feel better.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 7:36 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • You have post partum, my best friend had it real bad. She wanted to kill heself and the baby. You need to get on meds. They do help. Start with a low dose, and see from there if it works.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Ok first off I want to respond to the anonymous person suggesting you have Post Partum. I doubt your a doctor to diagnose that.
    Alot of mothers ( including me) didn't feel that " star gazed over loved feeling" It sometimes takes a while to feel that bond! You went threw labor tired as heck and hurting. you are used to having the baby in the belly so when the baby is in your arms.... it takes some while to kick in. Now if you have feelings of killing ur self or the baby or harming either of you and not wanting to take care of the baby, then yes you would see a doctor. From what I am reading you sound normal. "baby blues" are normal.

    Answer by BrandyWine2008 at 8:26 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • i agree with brandywine2008...

    Answer by Fanta-Mommy at 8:45 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • When my 1st child was born 30 years ago I was 16 and I felt the same way. I wanted a girl and here was this red fat pee'd on me boy! Keep in mind your body was put through a trama of birth and all the family and friends are focused on the baby...OMG! It is a natural emotion and this too shall pass. It takes time you will be ok, thanks for your honesty and sharing!

    Answer by rosetoes at 9:28 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • mother child bonding is exactly why they began 'rooming in' Some of you are too young to know that back when I was born Mothers were knocked out a lot of times and the baby was kept in the nursrey and only brought to her to feed.
    Bonding with anyone takes time. You're bonded to him now? If so don't sweat what no longer matters.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:28 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • My thoughts are that you might had a case of post partem depression.

    Answer by mekari at 10:10 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

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