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Legit concern? Step son coming for summer...

My step-son is finally coming for the summer! Woohoo! Anyways, long story short his mother his a witch and been feeding him BS for years, he is going to be turning 9 this summer. He has always been an angel for us, Christmas break 2009 was the last time we had him. I'm just a bit nervous this witch could convince him in one way or another to hurt our other two, DS is 6 and DD is 2 1/2 months. I mentioned the concernt to DH (he took it well, wasn't offended!) he said I really don't think he is capable of anything like that. But if you only knew the witch, she's succesfully brainwashed him to believing his father my DH is the devil at times. Any thoughts or suggestions? The 6 yo DS will be sharing a room with him.

 
yesmaam

Asked by yesmaam at 3:45 PM on Mar. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 22 (14,480 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Once he comes for his visit why don't you, your husband and your SS go out to lunch or dinner and talk. find a sitter for your children for a couple of hours and make him feel he is welcomed. then of course when you guys bring him to your house your other children will be there. but let him know how you guys feel about him and how much fun you guys will have during the time he is there with you all.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:52 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Well doesnt sound like youre too nice about his mom either, it does take two to fight. I seriously doubt he is going to hurt your child. Kids dont usually do that. Now treat you like dirt? Much more likely.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:50 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I would not try to convince the child of anything. Be yourselves and answer any questions honestly. He will see that you all are genuine with him and he will feel at home. Just a suggestion...probably not a good idea for the stepbrother and sister to share a room. I would rearrange things.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 3:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I can understand your concerns but most children, even the ones who have a witch putting stuff in their ears, are really capable of seeing for themselves how people act in their presence. I say, make sure he spends a lot of time with his son while he is there. Quality time with his dad will show the child what is real and what is not. It may be hard at first but you really do need to make sure he gets alot of his dads time while he is there, because Im sure the child wants and needs it way more than he will express with words. You want the child to be able to express his desire to be with his dad in positive ways. Easier said than done, I know. It will be so very important. You may need to spend even more time with your other two, just to make sure they don't feel left out in any way. Good Luck!!!

    darter

    Answer by darter at 3:55 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Be open and honest with your stepson. He'll figure out pretty quickly who's blowing smoke and who's for real.

    Congrats on getting him for the summer too!
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:07 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Oh no, no, don't get me wrong, we do not bad mouth her in any way. My DH is so hurt she tells their son terrible things about his daddy, we wouldn't do that, not to mention the emotional confusion and hurt for my SS. She's just put my husband through the darn wringer the past few years is all.
    yesmaam

    Comment by yesmaam (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I mean we don't bad mouth her to the kids :)
    yesmaam

    Comment by yesmaam (original poster) at 3:58 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • If you think the step-son is capable of hurting your kids, by all means keep a close eye on the kids. I would not let him share a room with your kids unless you felt comfortable with that. If he has any jealousy issues about your kids, he may try to harm them. Make sure you make him feel welcome in your home tho, but dad should not have to feel like he needs to ignore your kids to spend one on one quality time with the stepson. Just spend equal time with all of them is what he needs to do. My step-daughter who was 11 when my DD was born made a comment that if she ever got to hold my baby she would drop her on her head. Needless to say SD never got that chance. I never left my kids alone in a room with step-kids either, because of jealousy issues and the BS the ex was putting in step-kids' heads, i supervised my kids very well when stepkids were around. My babies even went with me to potty when stepkids were around.
    Honda309

    Answer by Honda309 at 4:23 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I am sure the stepp son feels that dad has forgotten about him for the most part if you all have a NEW set of children and he only gets to see dad so often. 09 is a long time. I am sure BIO MOM has made the comment dad too busy w/his new family. I would hope there is more phone contact to the child often by the dad. ( although he may have a step dad its not the same as HIS DAD.

    Don't think of it as "what anger" step is gonna bring into your house. YOU are setting yourself up for a rough time. Until step does something then dont make issues. Treat him with love and kindness as you would your own. Refer to your kids as YOUR BIG BROTHER. Put the closeness inplace of the fear.... He too will feel more at piece and comfort. Loving my spouse and all I know if my hubby treated my child from another relationship with anything but love, we'd have a BIG PROBLEM. ( same with his child)
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 5:47 PM on Mar. 29, 2011