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SM in the delivery room????

I am 20 years old and 29 weeks pregnant. We had my baby shower on saturday and the subject of who will be in the room came up. Well I know the hospital allows for 3 support people so I have asked my sister, mom and then I hope it goes without saying that my husband will be in there lol. Anyway, my SM starts talking about how she can't wait because she has never seen a baby being born. (she wasn't even invited to the baby shower but she just heard about it from my grandma and assumed she was invited) My jaw DROPPED, I have never said anything to her about her being in the room and I don't want her in the room. A little background, she married my dad when I was 15 but they lived about 2 hours away and both me and my sister where in a lot of activities in school. I also didn't want to be away from my mom on the holidays so we only saw them for 2 weeks in the summer, the weekend AFTER Christmas and they would take us out for dinner sometime around our birthdays. Anyway, I guess I'm just not very close to her, she is nice enough but she has def always had boundary problems (like when they got married, she wanted me and my sister to start calling her mommy Kelly (we refused, I was 15 she was 14) and she tried to take over my wedding last year and even wanted to share the mother of the bride role. I look at her like maybe an aunt or something, but def not like a parent of any kind. Anyway, like I said, she has some boundary issues but is generally a good person so I don't really want to hurt her feelings but you have to be very clear with her because she tends to hear what she wants to hear. How can I be direct without being rude? I am kind of annoyed that she thought it was a given that she would be in the room anyway.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Just kindly let her know that only 3 people are allowed. And, that it will be your DH, your mom & your sister. They are the closest people to you. She needs to understand that. If she doesn't, it's her issue. Don't let her guilt you into changing your mind.

    Answer by specialwingz at 5:38 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • That is the thing, she KNOWS only 3 people can be in so I don't know why she would assume she would be in at all

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:47 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • LOL.. IM sorry but i had the same issue with my Step mother in law. I ended up having a c-section. But if i was to have had my DS the natural way none of my DH side of the family was going to be notifyed til after our DS was born. And even though i had a c-section they still were not notifyed til afte he was born. Just dont tell any one that might say something to her like your grandmother the day your going to the hospital, to have the baby. Then be like Oh im sorry it was a really quick thing and just have you mom sister and DH. Good luck mom

    Answer by Manda725 at 5:54 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • It sounds like she does not care what you want, she is determined (or so excited about the baby) that she wants to be a part of it regardless of your wishes. I think you may need to sit her and your dad down (maybe dad can help her see the light) and tell both of them that you are glad she is excited about the baby, BUT she won't be allowed in the room when the baby is born- you already have your 3 chosen people. I would also tell her (and dad) that the hospital will only allow those 3 people in-- she won't be allowed. (I would also tell your doctor and the hospital your wishes, so if she does show up they will not let her in the room). Tell both of them that if she makes a big fuss about it you will ban her from the hospital and she will not be allowed to see the baby until after you are home-- and at a time that works out for you.

    Answer by MizLee at 6:01 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Just tell her she isn't wanted in the delivery room. You don't have to get mean unless she doesn't take no for an answer. You could also tell you dad that you don't want her there. Let him be the one to tell her after all he is the one married to her. Just be firm with her.

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 6:03 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Let your nurse know who is welcome and when the time comes they kick everyone else out. You never invited her, so you don't need to uninvite her.

    Answer by camiam81 at 6:33 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • she's probably saying that to see what you'll do- if you don't say anything than she'll think she's in...i would just be blunt and say that you had already spoken to your sis, mom, dh, and that's all you need there. it's YOUR baby and YOUR day to give birth- so she shouldn't be selfish and she should understand. (i also think if she didn't get a real invite to your baby shower, it won't come as too big a surprise to her). good luck! i know that's awkward...i was a single mom when i gave birth and had to tell my best friend- who assumed she'd be in the room w/ me- that i only wanted my mom there, and the limit was 3 too lol, but i just wanted my mom and she had to deal. it was tough, but i was blunt and then she understood.

    Answer by lexi8622 at 7:32 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I would let her be included also. She is family too and some hospitals will let a 4th person stay in the delivery room if you ask. Don't exclude her. It may put a damper on the relationship you have with her and your dad.

    Answer by Honda309 at 8:40 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Honda, I don't want her in there, as I said, I am not very close to her. My cousin had a baby at that hospital a month ago and she asked to have a fourth so both her sisters and her mom and her DH could be there and they said no and first but the doctor said it was ok. If she can't understand that I only want a close few in the room, then it doesn't seem like a very good relationship in the first place (which it really isn't, she is always trying to make everything about her).

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:46 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Since she KNOWS there are only 3 allowed, firmly let her know the 3 will be DH, mom & sister. She's not going to like it from the sounds of it. But, it's your show not hers. You can let her know that she will be a part of the baby's life throughout the years. But, the birth is limited to immediate family only.

    Answer by specialwingz at 9:58 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

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