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Summer visitation......

I have 2 children in high school. They are both in band and are very active and do very well in it. Right now, our custodial agreement is that my ex has them for 3 weeks in the summer, however those 3 weeks are during band came (which is 5 weeks long, 6 days a week from 8am-8pm). So basically, his whole time will be consumed with band camp. My ex says that he will not be spending the whole time driving them to and from band practice (the school is over an hour from his house). He said that it is more important for them to be spending time with him then band camp. My kids are devastated because this is so important to them (by the way, he will be working half the time anyway). The youngest is 13 the oldest is 15 so they can refuse to go to his house if they want, but I have never told them this. Do you think it is right to tell my children that they don't HAVE to go? I just don't think it is fair for my children to miss something so important to go sit on their dad's couch for three weeks watching TV.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If the dates for him to get them are not set in stone by the courts, I would tell him that the kids are committed to the band camp and if he is unwilling to take them, then they will not be available those weeks and he will have to choose another time frame. If he does not agree to another time frame, then that is his loss of time with the kids. One day those kids will grow up and KNOW the truth.

    Answer by gbrewster at 12:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • My kids get 10 weeks summer break. I agree they should be able to go band camp, what about the other weeks of the summer?
    The law says that they don't have to go to their dads, but they still have to do what their parents tell them to do until they are adults. They do need to spend some time with their dad, and he does have a right to see them. Figure it out as adults.

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:05 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Tell them they do not have to go to their dads, school should come first. I would not let them go.

    Your ex is not very smart he could of spent time with the kids while driving them to school and back.

    Answer by gammie at 5:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • NO. Try and figure out something else. Maybe a week here, or a week there before school starts back, or a few days longer during brks in the yr to make up for his missing time with them. YOU need to talk to the father on this matter. See if you all can work something out since he wont be spending much time with them anyways.

    I don't see why you'd even want t be putting it into their heads that they DONT HAVE TO GO. ( just b/c they play in the band all yr long they can take a few weeks off)
    YOU guys be the adults and work it out. Let the teens be teens.

    Answer by kkbird at 5:55 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Is there any chance you could give him visitation at a different time period? I do see his point about most of his time with them being while they are at band camp so maybe you could both work on alternative dates. And I definitely woulnd't want the kids to miss band camp, those kind of activities are too valuable to kids. Good luck and hope you can work out a happy compromise!

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 5:57 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • KKBRID, clearly, you were never in marching band, it is hard core. If you miss one practice and were not on you DEATH BED or damn near close, you get crap from the whole band forever. I offered him any other time during the summer if he wanted except the week we are going on vacation and he didn't want that (he was doing things during those times). One the other hand, who is making up MY time with them during the 2 weeks I have them and they are in band camp? It's part of being a parent to active kids, they are not going to be home 24/7 but he can spend sundays with them and the rides to and from, that is what I do. I would also like to point out that during the school year from September to the end of November, the have practice, a football game or competition almost every day and the after school practices are from 2-7.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:04 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • No I understand clearly about the bands and the whole year throughout...... and the long hard practices and games and cold weather, hot weather. BUT ... it would seem more practical of HIM to get them closer to the brks,or after there is a week or 2 brk instead of traveling back and forth everyday an hour there and back. * u didnt say in the beginning he disagrees with other arrangements* don't they live with you??? so that means you (even though they are active in band) have them more of the year? AND just saying if it is in the court papers... for him to get them at this time and he is unwilling to agree with other arrangements... ( if he is Nasty, he can take you and file contempt on you). If he wont agree w/u then "maybe" get the kids to say to him HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS FOR THEM. C if that would change his attitude.

    Answer by kkbird at 6:18 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • He is parenting them for the 3 weeks, not being entertained by them. Band camp is part of their lives and as a parent part of your life and when he has them, part of HIS life. The kids shouldn't be punished for the inability of parents to keep a marriage together. (I am also divorced, so not judging)

    Answer by pammomof9 at 6:44 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • kkbird, in our state, once the children reach 13, if they don't WANT to go to the other parent's home, they don't have to (I have not told my dds this yet) so no, he couldn't have me found in contempt if they don't go.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:51 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • roloms, that would be an idea except he lives in a run down trailer park and I lived in a very nice condo development plus, knowing him, he would run up my electric and water bill just to be an ass. I am not saying the kids don't need to see him but, they made a commitment to the band to be there and so they need to. I offered to switch a little but he is just being an ass. They have 11 weeks of vacation, 5 of which are spent at band camp, 10 days with me on vacation and other then that, he can have any time he wants but he says those don't work, well sorry, the kids come first not him

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:42 PM on Mar. 29, 2011