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What do I tell my son when he gets older and asks me why his dad signed his rights away?

My husband and I are going through a divorce, (uh hum he cheated on me with my best friend of 12 years) and instead of just signing the papers and getting it over with, he moves all the way to Alaska. I live in Georgia. He wont give me any kind of contact information and he hasnt seen my son in almost 2 months. Braedyn asks me sometimes where is daddy? Usually I tell him something along the lines of daddy is on a trip right now. He is 2 so its not like I can be blunt. Well, a few days ago I contacted his mother to tell her to have him call me. When he calls me he tells me that he doesnt want our son anymore and he wants to sign his rights away so he can get us out of his hair. We were married for 3 years and I thought I knew him so much better than that. You decide whether you want kids before you have them not after. Soon after he said that his mother texts me to let me know not to contact her anymore because she doesnt want anything to do with him either. Ive been asking around to my friends and they all say the same thing, which is, I dont know. Any and all advice is appreciated.

Thanks,
Andrea

Answer Question
 
mommy2braedyn

Asked by mommy2braedyn at 8:32 PM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • tell him the truth. but make sure he is mature enough to understand it
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 8:33 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I guess I'd try..... "daddy is gone now. let's put some pictures of him in your room!" and try and fill the void as best you can.

    I am so sorry for your situation.

    I'd be honest from the get-go as age appropriately and non cruel-y as possible.
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 8:34 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Tell him something like dad knew you could take better care of him than he could. Keep it simple and have more serious discussions when he gets older. But dad not being able to take good care of him will always be true. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:35 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • tell him the truth because if you lie to him he may get mad at you if dont tell him when do tell him its not his fault its his dads own fault
    sweetangel8211

    Answer by sweetangel8211 at 8:36 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Tell him not everyone appreciates special gems and his daddy is missin out on such a wonderful boy
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 8:39 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • tell him that your father wasn't able to be a parent anymore. Never lie to ur kid about that. Keep it simle and honest. Ur son will respect u for it :) GL gurl
    Jazmineamomma

    Answer by Jazmineamomma at 12:06 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Your son needs to know that his daddy isnt coming back. By telling him that he is on a trip....I think that makes it worse. Good luck.
    Wish2Be

    Answer by Wish2Be at 7:12 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I agree with the honesty thing to a point. I mean, don't lie. But don't tell him the whole truth either. Don't tell him that dad signed his rights away, but saying something like Jazmine says - he just wasn't able to be a parent anymore, or like eliz suggests, Daddy knew Mommy could take better care of you. If dad was still around, I'd say pictures are a good idea, but since he's so young, he's not going to remember him anyway, so I'm not sure I'd keep belaboring it. It might cause him to ask more questions. Dad's not coming back, so it seems kind of cruel.
    4EqltyMom

    Answer by 4EqltyMom at 8:35 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Your ex will not be able to just sign his parental rights away because he wants his kid out of his hair. It doesn't work that way. Take it to court and watch as the judge MAKES him pay child support and get a lecture of a lifetime. If it did work that way, I wouldn't have wasted thousands of dollars for my ex to sign his rights away. Was NOT approved. Check with an attorney in your state to see what the laws are but it's difficult to have rights terminated.

    As for what to say, you base it on the child's age. Right now, I would just tell him daddy is living somewhere far away and leave it at that.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:38 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would let him walk out of my childs life but NOT walk away from the responsibility (financial) of my child. tyfry is right let the courts tell him he can't just sign a paper and be OVER it. As your son gets older....he will figure it out on his own....tell him the truth "Dad wanted to live in Alaska" try try try not to bad mouth him...cuz it will bite you back.
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 9:44 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

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