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Uninvolved grandparents

My mother in law and my parents have always been uninvolved in my kids life, mostly my mother in law. what is up with todays grandparents? We use to live 30min from my mother in law and she said if we lived closer she would be able to visit the kids more often, well we moved litterly a street over, a 3min walk and 30sec drive and still in the last 2yr she hasn't seen them more times then i can count on one hand, and on top of that she never even calls, at all. she has 3 grandkids from us and 1 from her other son, she would forget there bdays if it wasn't for us reminding her, she forgot her other sons kids bday. im just trying to see if im the only one out ther with uninvolved grandparents for their kids, and how do you handle it? any advice cause i don't want to become bitter, and if i wasn't a christian i dont thik i could hold my tong


Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Mar. 29, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I am 39 and I am a Nana for the first time so I still see her she is three weeks old and I have seen her every week since she was born she is a wonderful little girl and I love her. My mom does not see my kids because she does not like me but the guys think she should let it go and I think maybe you should invite them over if this does not work let them go. The kids will know what time it is.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:01 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Wow, I'm sorry for you, but more for the kids! Do you invite her to things? Could you maybe start like a family dinner or something? We have one every other Tuesday night and every other Sunday. My parents come to our house on Tues and we go to theirs on Sundays. But if you had it at your house, that would be a way to get them involved.

    I guess my son's lucky. All of his grandparents are heavily involved in his life. But I do take the time to invite the GPs to everything. They don't make everything, but I always extend the invitation.

    Answer by 4EqltyMom at 8:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • My mom like that with her gkids xmas time comes she tell everybody January shes gonna take care of the gkids she never does...the gkids so used to it it don't even bother them...she don't cl the gkids either...I leave her right where shes at...

    Answer by smiley745 at 8:49 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • None of the family is particularly involved with our lives. My daughters paternal family has zero to do with her, and my husbands side (her step-dad) has very little to do with us either. We talk to my husbands mothers side on the occasion, but absolutely never talk to my husbands fathers side.

    None of them have ever met my DD. We're in the middle of doing a step-parent adoption at the moment, so you'd think his family would be more interested. They're just not.

    Family doesn't have the same meaning as it did 50 years ago.


    Answer by Razelda at 8:50 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I do have to add in that we're military and currently stationed in Hawaii. That has complicated things. But with the technology available on the market today, there is still NO excuse to not call regularly, video chat, etc.

    Answer by Razelda at 8:59 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Well, my kids have only ever had one grandparent, my father. He's never been involved in my kids' lives (they're his only grandkids) . As a matter of fact, he's downright mean to my daughter. It's kind of hard for me to take sometimes and I, too, have a hard time biting my tongue. It's different for every family, but it's something I've learned to live with. I still love my dad, but I've accepted that he doesn't want an active role in my kids' lives, and while that upsets me, I've learned to live with it. I'm not saying that's what you should do, but in the end, you can't make people change. All the same, I'm sorry your children's grandparents aren't more involved. I'm sure they're really missing out on some wonderful kiddos.

    Answer by lytate95 at 9:02 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I have the same issue. My MIL is sweet when you can pin her down but a flake, she decided to leave town with her fiance one weekend when we drove up (four hours) to visit her and other family in my husband's home town. She didn't even give us a heads up. my son was crushed, he loves her and had been looking forward to seeing her.
    My mom would have adored my boys, but sadly she died a few years before our oldest was born.
    My FIL is crazy about them but not able to get around much.
    I know they say you shouldn't speak negatively to a child about a person they love, but I think it's preferable to letting a kid think it's their fault. I had a stepson years ago who had a flake for a mom, and I minced no words in telling him that when she would fail to show up to see him (AGAIN).

    Answer by autodidact at 9:07 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • cont. from before.

    I wasn't meaner about it than necessary, but I told him she was a flake for two reasons.
    1. to minimize the damage to him. he was a sweet kid and I didn't want him internalizing her absence as something wrong with him.
    2. to teach him to be honorable, that the way she conducted herself was no example to follow. as he got older he saw what I meant, that people avoided her drama and neediness.

    Answer by autodidact at 9:13 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • My stbxfil has made little to no effort to be apart of my daughters life. She is his only grandchild at this point. I think it is very sad but not much I could or can do about it. The man did not learn from the mistakes he made with his own kids so as far as I am concerned it is his loss. My daughter has my family who has showered her with love from day one. My parents used to live 15 minutes from us then moved 1 1/2 hour away. That did not stop them from being apart of my daughters life in a big way.

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 9:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Thanks ladies for the advice. i have made every effort to invite her to things, bday parties, outings, the mall to walk and talk, bbq's at my house, etc. i really think the tue night dinner is a fabulous idea 4igitymom, i just really wish my family was tight nit like yours, but it's not and God gave this family to me for a reason. It is really helpful to here all the other testimonies, i don't feel so alone anymore.
    God Bless

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:30 AM on Mar. 30, 2011