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oh man....

today of all days he told me that he didnt want to marry me. Know wonder why it has been 2 1/2 years that we have been engaged and nothing, I feel like im wasting my time on my SO if he doesnt want to get married we have a 1 yr old son and i just dont know what to do....stay or go? i dont see any reason to share my life with someone who no longer wants to share theirs with mine granted im 21 but ive been with him for 4 years im just baffeled right now. what would you do?

Answer Question
 
brandnew744

Asked by brandnew744 at 4:37 AM on Nov. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Level 9 (318 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • wow, did he say why? thats hard to hear. And his timing is horrible.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:49 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • is it just the marriage thing he doesnt want or the whole relationship .some men especially young men are frightened of the word marriage ,why dont you ask him what his reasons are ,without shouting at him ,talk to him calmly ,you have a right to ask this . good luck
    loulou332

    Answer by loulou332 at 6:57 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I think theres more than just what you've said. Your both upset. There is so much going on that he may thinks its and easy way out from whatever is making him feel this way. Im so sorry its come at the worst time but until you don't explain more about what he has said and the truthful "whys" of his decision, its very difficult to give you a straight answer. All I can say is I have been through very tough times when it comes to my relationship with my ex-husband too.  We are kind of back together unofficially. It's crazy. You have to be patient and keep the communication open now more than ever. It sucks but it wont be like this forever if you make wise and courageous decisions with cool calm thinking. When your ready, take a step back and try to keep your emotions aside, which is beyond tough, and look at the situation to see what is best for you .

    XnEwmOmX

    Answer by XnEwmOmX at 6:59 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • This sounds exactly like me. My fiance I guess and I have been together for 3 years, engaged for 2, and have a 1 year old son. He just recently told me he's not ready. He tells me one day that he wants to wait until we're on our feet making enough money with our own house and a nice car (which we have now it's just not totally legal) but then the next day he'll say he doesn't believe in it because everyone he knows has been divorced and he doesn't want to go through all the trouble of getting married and then lose everything he has when we get divorced. I kind of feel like i'm wasting my time too because he's known since we've been together that I want to marry him but if I tell him I feel like that he'll throw a hissy fit.
    bassyentihw

    Answer by bassyentihw at 11:15 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I'm only 20 but it's hard to have in your mind that someone wants to marry you for this long and then come to find out they really didn't. I plan to stay with him because we do love each other but there's a point where I can't take anymore and if he's not going to show me that much commitment then I'm going to have to find someone else that will.
    bassyentihw

    Answer by bassyentihw at 11:15 AM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • yes it feel like that but keep your head up god say it is best not to marry read your bible you will know the rest
    devon229

    Answer by devon229 at 12:45 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I''m sorry, this seems to happen a lot. So many guys are just super afraid of commitment and I think women make a mistake when they cave in to that and wait for their men to be ready. The bottom line is he's not ready and you are. Unless you always want to play second-tier to his time frame, you need to give him the ultimatum. A lot of people think this is a bad idea, but personally, I've seen one too many women I know let their man dictate everything, from when he is married to when he has kids. It is up to both of you , not just him and there are plenty of guys out there who would want to marry you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I also tried an ultimatum and that made everything 10 times worse. We fight all the time now.
    bassyentihw

    Answer by bassyentihw at 6:34 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

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