Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

How did you forgive?

For the ladies out there that were cheated on and are still with your SO. How did you forgive him? How do you trust him now? My husband cheated on me and I' having a very hard time forgiving him and learnin to trust again. I don't know if it is worth me work on it anymore. If we will ever get back to where we were before it happen.

Answer Question
 
jenlou9686

Asked by jenlou9686 at 9:24 AM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (445 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I must say me personally that its hard to forgive but its not hard to forget. As an adult you try to talk things out and believe that it will never happen again. I would want to know what the reason was that he cheated and if it was my fault and if I can agree with the reasoning its possible to forgive.
    Mudda69

    Answer by Mudda69 at 9:29 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • lots of time and hard work. it took years and the death of my best friend and my brother for me to trust him again.

    not only do you have to work hard on your marriage but you also have to work on your self at the same time to recover from the pain and the hurt.

    it's not a easy road, it's very painful and rocky. plus anytime he is so much as 10 minutes late your wondering who he is with.

    but it's do able if you both are will to work at the relationship. if he is not willing to work things out and try and better the relationship then it a waste of time.
    oldfashionSAHM

    Answer by oldfashionSAHM at 9:30 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Being members of a Christian church that taught against such things helped us. Plus, spending more couple time and talking all the temptations out.
    CoffeeWriter

    Answer by CoffeeWriter at 10:00 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • He needs to prove a lot to you, actions speak louder than words, you can forgive a lot when a person is showing how sorry they are and you also need to work on forgiving and not being bitter. If your bitter and he is trying his best - you may just push him to do it again. Not that it makes it right but men are men...definitely communicate and find the root of WHY he did it in the first place and work forward.
    BalooSkii

    Answer by BalooSkii at 10:24 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • For some of us we never can forgive which then prevents the relationship from working. Trust once broken is a very hard thing to restore - IMO
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:24 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My husband had a one night stand over 16 years ago, we will soon be married 26 years.

    I did not just forgive.. he had to prove that he was worthy of my forgiveness,
    I didn't just give a second chance.. he had to prove he truly wanted on and was worthy of one.
    I did not just give him trust again.. he had to earn my trust again.

    How long ago did your husband cheat? How long have the 2 of you been reconciling? Have the 2 of you began rebuilding your marriage yet?

    It took a year for us to reconcile, and another 3-4 years to totally and completely rebuild our marriage.It takes years to rebuild a marriage after cheating. The very base foundation of that marriage has been destroyed (trust is part of the basic foundation of a marriage). The entire marriage has to be rebuilt because the marriage that was, is dead. It was destroyed. A new one must rise from the ashes a couple wants to be together after infidelity.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:26 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • that is a hard one because you can say you will forgive but you will never forget. never. that image or picture you have of them together, talking, laughing and hate to say it having sex will be in your head for a long time. Unless you want this marriage to work, then you need to put all that behind you and really try to forget it. Is he wanting to save the marriage as well? is he showing you that in his heart that he feels like shit and is trying to make it up to you every way possible. you know i forgave my ex alot of time, alot and even forgave him when i found out he had a child with the woman, figure we can work this out, but when another child came into light i said oh no i can't do this and deal with it. so i filed for divorce. its up to you on how you want to really hand this, in your heart can you forgive and forget.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:41 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • If it happened to me I couldn't forgive it, or forget. I would be a wreck and it wouldn't work I would hate him and it would be over. I couldn't get past it, & would never trust him again. I don't blame ya for feeling that way. Do whats going to make you happy & whats best for your child & health. i can imagine how stressful this is. This is just MY opinion but I feel they do it once, it can happen again. GL.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 3:35 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN