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Do you stay, or Do you leave?

Okay, So your a hard working mother of two kids. The father doesn't work but he works here and there under the table. And gives you some not much but some money. And that little bit of money does help to get you by. But he can be an asshole at times. So do you deal with it, or do you leave. Staying will get you by. Leaving him you probably wont be able to make it financially. So what do you do? I'm so freakin confused. I wish life was so much easier. =(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • It depends. Do you love him? Does he love you? If he mistreats you, more than the normal couple fights, then maybe it is time you left. You can always get help, you know?
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:17 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Don't stay is he is not a good husband. You are already supporting your family. If you need more help, you can get it,
    there are programs out there for you.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:19 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Truthfully, I do Love him. He's good most of the time. But he has a quick temper. He just yells. But he never misstreated me. We've been on and off for 8 years and two beautiful boys. I really think he's angry inside because of other things. Especially money. That's are biggest arguments about. And i would love to get help, but the way he is he probably wont go. Thank You so much for your response.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:21 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • if your not happy you shouldn't stay. if you need to take one of your days off and fix enough food (from scratch, it's cheaper) for a week and freeze it. keep only what you have to have in bills, shop clearance items and thrift stores, if your kids are old enough and are interested get them started in crafts that would benefit the family. make your own cleaning supplies (it's cheaper). see if you can find a family member, husband if you trust him, or someone that will work with you to watch your kids if they are not old enough to watch themselves.

    when my husband was without a job. we got on foodstamps to help through the hard time. and made most our stuff. our in laws paid $500 a month in our bills. that was the mortgage, lights and water. when hubby went back to classes they would give him $20 a week for gas.
    oldfashionSAHM

    Answer by oldfashionSAHM at 10:29 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Mom? Oh wait, you said 2 kids...:D

    What you described sounds very much like my parents, but they are totally in love, and they've been married almost 35 years. For years I wondered why my mom never left him. I never really cared for my father. He wasn't abusive, he really wasn't that strict...he just wasn't the father I needed (ya know? not there emotionally). Then I grew up, and realized what adult relationships were, etc., and that's when I realized why my mom stayed with my dad.

    BTW, my dad isn't much of the sort to be bossed around, so he's his own boss, working odd jobs here and there. Maybe your hub is like that too...can't handle being bossed around.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 10:32 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Wow! Right on point, That's exactly what he says. That he can't be bossed around. He has dreams of owning hes own buisness but i tell him we need the money. It's hard. Bc even though he doesn't give much the little that he does give. Helps me alot.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:36 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Finances would not play in to my decision. I've made it as a single mom and there are resources out there that are available to single moms. You need to decide what is the best thing for you and your children, and then find a way to make that work.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:36 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Money is the #1 cause of marriage break-ups. If he's not working because (1) there is no work, that's one thing. If he (2) just doesn't want to work full time - get out. (1) Men have been raised to believe they should be the bread winners. If the wife is the only one working or makes more than he does, it's an insult to his manhood. (2) If he's a lazy bum, he will do whatever to make you feel bad to make himself feel good (better than you). Sounds like to me that he is trying, tho. At least he gives you money. My SO has been out of work almost 2 years. He has sold off a lot of his stuff to pay his own bills, but I've still had to pay his storage, phone, insurance a few times. He's Union, but the Union isn't sending people out. The work has dropped off to a stopping point. He worked about 80 hours last year and is still about #300 on the list to go out and work. What do you do? The best you can. Stick together.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:40 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • If you really want to leave and can't handle his not working, there are programs that will help you to be able to get on your feet and you will be able to make it on your own.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 11:01 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Thank You! I'm trying. But it's hard. Especially when there's kids and were always arguing. But then he can be a real good SO. He cooks, he washes the clothes, he does the dishes. But he has a nasty little attitude. And i'm working all day, and its rough. knowing that hes home while i'm at work. I work for a photography Company and i work in the digital department.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:04 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

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