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Need to Vent :(

Am I really asking too much from him!?

Hubby got a new job making GOOD money, but I knew our biggest issue would be TIME. You see, the new job is an hour away, so he spend two hours a day commuting back and forth. I no longer see him in the mornings like I used to, and he gets home an hour later than he used to. By the time we are done eating dinner and clean up, it is only an hour until our boys' bedtime, and only a couple hours before I go to bed. He is trying to start his own business on the side as well (which he isn't making money off of yet), so he spends almost every evening in his office working on things.

He thinks spending a few hours on Saturday with the boys, and a couple hours with me on Sunday is sufficient. Am I asking too much to have more time than that with him? I don't even get to talk to him on the phone anymore during the days...he's always too busy when I call him, he NEVER calls me, and IF he does call me when he's on his way home, it's just to say "I'll see you when I get home." I feel like I'm losing my husband so that he can have this job that pays a lot. I would much rather have him back and us lose this extra money! I miss him! I need more time with him than I am getting! Of course, he can't understand this because he thinks we get enough time together.

Ugh, this heart hurts.

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Asked by MichaelsMom330 at 10:58 AM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,334 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • aww honey i feel for you. i know how you feel. I study every minut e i can and work two days a week. im doing a full study load for my law degree, which isnt really light reading. i tend to leave my daughter with my husband most of the time but i try to let him relax when he gets home from work and cook dinner and chill for an hour but then im back to study. i feel he must be suffering like you are. but i study now so i can provide for my family
    if it bothers you alot and you dont need the money then just tell him how much you miss him and want him home. if you dont need the money then he doesnt need to work that far away.but on the other side of the coin maybe he is doing this to make sure you guys get the best financial backing possible and also to help out his new business.
    just tell him how you feel i dont think your are asking for too much. we all want attention and love.
    but you need to tell him. goodluck

    Answer by Weldo1983 at 11:06 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Maybe you should realize that he HAS a job, and that during these economic times that having a job is a good thing right now. If he quit this one, would you be able to survive?
    My Hubby is gone 4-6 weeks at a time with his job, we don't like it, but we need his income to have the life we want. Although we do make it a point to communicate all day everyday when he's gone. You should sit down with him and explain that you respect the fact that he's working hard to take care of your family but you need to keep communicating to keep your marriage strong.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:07 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • That sucks, and trust me I know the feeling. My DH and I both work full time and go to school full time, with two DS in school and DD 2 1/2 months, and we have a little one weekend a month job too :) He is talking about getting a second job, and all I can thing is OMG when will our family ever spend time together? As it is now we also communte an hour each way to and from work which leaves us leaving for work at 6 am getting home 6:30 at night and that's if one of us doesn't have an errand to run after work. I tell my husband I miss him all the time, and his response is basically, Hu, what do you mean, we live together? lol that's men for ya....I just keep telling myself it won't be like this forever :) My only thought is just cherish the time you do have even if its only a few minutes b/c one day you may not have it.

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:18 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I would sit down and have a really long talk with him. That's what it took with mine, and now he is making extra effort with me and the kids, and he's calling me when he can and putting off doing things with the guys sometimes to spend that time with family. It took an all-out crying confession from me to make it happen, though. Good luck, Momma, and I hope you guys can get back on track!

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:26 AM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I understand what you're saying but there's so many differerent ways of looking at this...#1 - your husband is out making money to help take care of his family. He's doing a side business to generate even more money so you will be comfortable later on in life. Being away from him for long periods of time may get rough but when you begin looking at the bigger picture, it gives you insight on how well this man has mapped out security for his family. #2 - On the days that he is home, make it special for the two of you...stop complaining about the problem you see and begin concentrating on how hard this maybe for him as well...the sacrafices he's making and begin concentrating on strengthening your marriage day by day...leaving him little love notes to let him know that you're thinking about him during the day, may open up his eyes to let him know how much you appreciate his hard work...#3 - stop concentrating on just YOU...

    Answer by treasured_hope at 1:31 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • You just described my life when I was married to my ex-husband. Although, now I'm divorced and I still have that time frame for work and after work. I also have an hour commute. I see my SO as much as we can but we don't live together. I see my son a total of 1 1/2 - 2 hours a day on weekdays. I can see why you miss your hubby but you need to try to figure out together how to sneak more time in with each other. Show him that you appreciate all he's doing for your family though.

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:13 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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