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My SO Father is coming to stay with him for a couple of months.....

Apparently he is homeless. Has no job and is coming in from NY and we live in AZ. Last time (4years ago) he staying with him and complained about everything so my SO told him to leave. My SO is stressing out and he is not even here. What advice do you have? I've never had family stay with me before.

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Nickcole23

Asked by Nickcole23 at 12:15 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,174 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Ugh this sounds so familiar. My fil came from NY to NC to stay with us because he was homeless. It was a NIGHTMARE that ended badly. Make sure you have defined house rules. I had to make him go find a job, and then pay some rent to help here when it became apparent he was not looking for his own place. Set a timeline of how long he is to stay and stick to it. Good luck.

    My husband and his father are no longer on speaking terms FYI!
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:17 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • It might be a good idea for your SO to sit his dad down and have a talk with him when he arrives, put everything out in the open and hopefully figure out a 'time-frame' for this visit. Let him know that you are not running a 'free hotel' and he will need to help out around the house, actively look for work and his own place to live. SO should also mention 'no complaining' to him, and tell him if he complains and does not like things he is free to leave anytime.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:21 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Thanks Gemgem. I also said keep a limit to his "visit". My SO said he'll come over to my house when it gets bad over there.... Not that I dont like him over, but he needs to put his foot down in his house. Cant run away. I also dont want an unhappy SO.
    Nickcole23

    Comment by Nickcole23 (original poster) at 12:22 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I would be like this is my home and you are our guest and if you do not like the way we do things around here you can leave...Just be blunt and straight to the point...
    littlekitty2002

    Answer by littlekitty2002 at 12:30 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Yeah well the problem is if he runs to your house he is basically give his dad a free place to live by himself, and that is not going to help his dad at all. My fil came here feeling very entitled. The first thing he did was go to social services asking for cash aid, food stamps and all of that. They explained to him unlike NY our state requires you to work. They do give food stamps, but no cash aid. He was quite upset and had to get a job. I gave him absolutely no money and my husband was under no terms to do it either.

    In the end he wanted to quit his job & live with us & all of $600 SS and I said no. I told him he could go to a home if theyd have him since he was only 59 with no health problems. He trashed the bedroom he was in, stopped paying rent & told my dh to go F himself as he moved out.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:30 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • define rules if they cannot be followed hes out
    roseym

    Answer by roseym at 4:30 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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