Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


My mil acts like we owe them. They helped us out right after we had our son, 3 years ago. Money was a little tight and they helped pay a few things. We got back on our feet and paid them back, but my mil still acts like we owe them. Not necessarily money, but for example, she texted this to my dh, " you could have called, you owe us that much since we have helped your family out and you know it." What the heck?! I am beyond upset about that, but my hubby is just blowing it off. Should I forget about the text, or say something to her. I don't want to start anything,but dang, it really upset me. Why would she hold that over my husbands head....


Asked by BabyBugsmama at 12:32 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 24 (19,995 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It is really your husband's place to speak up and tell her to knock it off. So it is best if you not say anything.

    I do see your side though, her attitude would not sit well with me and I would be sooo tempted to speak up and say "yes, you did help us out when we needed it and we are very grateful for that--- and we paid you back in full! So we really don't owe you anything and I would appreciate it if you would stop holding that over us all the time!".

    Answer by MizLee at 12:41 PM on Mar. 30, 2011


    If anything needs to be said it should be said by your husband.

    And that is part of the problem when you borrow money from friends/family. Lesson learned.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Personally it isnt worth saying anything about. I have inlaws who are the same way. We stayed with them when I was pregnant with my dd and because of that they think we owe them all sorts of things. Honestly, if we get a tax return check, or I get extra spending money from my parents and they find out, my mil is right there with some bill from 6 yrs ago she suddenly needs to be paid for. Most of the time we already have paid it back too. I just ignore her now.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:40 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My MIL is very understanding and we have a very open relationship so when I or she has a problem we just confront each other. How close are you 2? If your not very close have you husband confront her or if you guys have a pretty good relationship just sit down and talk to her about it.

    Answer by amber1330 at 12:39 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I wouldn't say anything. You know they helped you out and you repaid them. That is good enough! Saying something will do no good.

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 12:45 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I'd let your husband deal with his parents. Now, if she were to say/text something like that to you...then definitely speak your mind!!

    Answer by meooma at 12:49 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • While I can't imagine being that way, I would just let it go and not change what you're doing. She can think you owe her all she wants, but it doesn't make it true. My father loaned us money when we were just starting out and it was repaid when we said it would be, and I've never heard a word about it. My sister has borrowed money from us, and she repaid it the second she said she would. If everything was done just the way it was agreed, it should establish trust, not a lifetime of "you owe me" or "we were there for you 3 years ago, so..." behavior. I think it is quite immature.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 1:02 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I'd just let it go. She just wants some consideration, that's all.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:19 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I get everyone's answers about being courteous, but my in laws never call when they want to stop by, they knock then walk in.... If they are expecting respect from us, shouldn't they respect us too? They are constantly telling us how to raise our kids, and they are always telling us that our son needs to be doing this, or that by now. (saying is alphabet, or counting to 50) and when I tell them that his doctor said he is doing great, and he is where he should be, they tell us we should look into another doctor. I'm sure that my feelings about her text are a combination of everything that she has said or done, but it's all so frustrating!

    Comment by BabyBugsmama (original poster) at 1:27 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • She does it because she wants to keep contact with you - it is nice to be needed. When they give advice, agree with them and then just do your own thing ...

    Answer by tasches at 6:06 PM on Mar. 30, 2011