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Talking Back 3 year old

My son is 3 years old, and he just started talking back to me. I tell him to stop jumping on the couch or he will get hurt. He tells me MOM shut up or be quite, don't tell me what to do. I then i grab him firmly and put him in time out for 3mins and tell him why he was in it which would be jumping on the couch and talking back at me. That's not the only time he talks back at me, when i tell him to eat his supper or lunch he says mom be quite and throws his food on the floor. I then put him in time out for 3mins, while he is in time out i clean up his mess. and it does not end there, when i tell him to share with his friend he says my toys, my house, no share. I then block off toys so he or his friend can't get any toys. when we go places i put him and his brother in the cart if i don't put my 3 year old in a cart he takes off on me and thinks it is a game to run and hide from me. but while he is in the cart, he spits at me, or his 6month old brother, he kicks me i take his shoe off so he hurts his foot and not me, he steals his brothers blanket even though he has a toy he brought along.
I try reputation, time outs, toys taken away, no snacks, no reward at the end of the week, early bed time, any advice on disciplining him when he acts out or when he talks back at me

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Asked by at 1:48 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Id first try and see where he has learned this from? Kids learn from the people around him, he could also have seen it from another child, on TV etc. Once you can figure it out you can tell him you know he saw this here or there it isnt acceptable in your home, and then be consistent. You can also put him in his room for a few minutes. You can take away his toys he likes most. Just remain consistent.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Tough one...some kids do need to be spanked in my opinion. Sounds like that's the only thing you haven't tried. Could shock him enough to knock it off. Is daddy in the picture? if so, does he respect him more? I would say you definitely need to get more stern, even if you don't believe in spankings. You can always be scary without being physical.

    Answer by Jeannie721 at 1:55 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • to Jeannie721- i do spank him, slap his hand when he hits me, his mouth when he talks back or bite me, and all i get from him is mom not nice ur mean, and no hit me. and daddy is in the picture i am married to him and daddy works from 5am 2pm and when our 3 year old acts out he gets his angry voice on and says listen to mommy or else all your trains are gone and no movies.

    Comment by (original poster) at 1:59 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Other thing...could just be a phase. My 3-yr-old is going through the same thing. Only difference is he catches himself and says sorry right away. But every child is different. Mine has been going through the "terrible 2's" since he was 1 and just now coming out of it. My oldest didn't start til he was 3. Remember that everything is about control right now. He will test you like crazy. Just remain calm and don't let him see you break. Always maintain control and eventually he'll stop. Good luck! Keep doing what you're doing. Loving hand when needed and stern hand when naughty. :-)

    Answer by Jeannie721 at 2:04 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • What's he watching on television? I would suspect he has learned the behavior somewhere, but every child has to be trained to respect and obey his parents. The goal should be for obedience to be immediate without delay, discussion, or disgust. This child obviously needs to be disciplined in a way that will teach him this sooner rather than later. He may be a strong-willed child, in which case you will need to be much firmer and it will take longer. If her were mine, I would explain to him today that we have new rules at our house. Tell him what they are. Then tell him that he will be told once and no more. He either obeys in the above prescribed manner, or he pays the consequences. I would take him to a private place, either his bedroom or the bathroom, and he or I would remove his pants, and I would spank him on his bare skin hard enough for it to sting. The number of spanks you can determine for the offence.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:08 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My ds will be 3 in June. He "copies" behaviors, etc, from his older siblings (12 and almost 7). And he copies me as well. If I take something away because he's throwing, he'll come up, put his hand on my back, and say "ooooook, let me have da toy. come on, han it over" He even try's to spank himself. LOL. (By the way, I spank very rarely, and only if he is doing something that may hurt himself or one of his siblings, (he also has a 9mo sister), and it's only on the diapered butt, ) He kicks and rough houses, screams, hits, throws fits etc. At this point the only thing you can really do, is try different kinds of punishments, to see which will work, and find out where he's learning it like gemgem said. He's either a very energetic typical 2 who's seeing what his boundries are by testing you, learning bad habits from somewhere else, or trying to get attention from the 6 mo. That's just my opinion. Good luck!!!

    Answer by HappyEndings at 2:10 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My 3 year old talks back to me at times also...sadly she learned it from me :/ most things she says back are things I have said to her before. Once I realized that I was able to fix the problem. My daughter catches on quick and hates being put in the corner (which was my punishment and still is with most situations) so anytime she talks back she goes strait to the corner for 3 minutes. As far as the throwing of the food, make HIM clean it up. Continued...

    Answer by amber1330 at 2:15 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • When he acts rediculous in the store, you remove him from the situation and leave the store. Whether its a calming down in the vehicle and you try again after talking to him about or you actually leave and explain if you cannot be good we cannot go places. Be very consistant with whatever your punishment is, do not let him get away with it at all or he will think he can. I wish you lots of luck. I have dealt with it, but it does get better with time.

    Answer by amber1330 at 2:18 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My daughter is 4 and has been mouthing off to me since she was able to talk. We've flicked/slapped her mouth at times. Spanked butts for misbehavior, and LEFT the store in the middle of shopping as well. Our kids have a choice. They can either stay with us and walk around independently, or they can be placed in the shopping cart. If they run off, in the cart they go. If they throw a tantrum, out the car we go and straight to bed when we get home.

    I really don't know what else to tell you to try and correct this. Do you have a Mommy Voice that will stop him in his tracks? That's usually when my kids know they've crossed the line. Oh, the other one that has been working lately for my kids: "I didn't ASK you to argue with me, I TOLD you to (insert action/demand/request/whatever he's supposed to be doing), now DO IT".

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:21 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • To Nanny B- he watches ELMO, Thomas the Train, Dinosaur Train and disney Cars, and my husband and i don't talk back like that with each other, and the older child i have will be 7 and i babysit him but he is in school and by the time i get him my son is down for a nap until they leave which is at 4pm

    Comment by (original poster) at 2:25 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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