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2 Bumps

I have 2 year old twin girls and they are ruling my life! One is so sweet and easy, sleeps well, and alone would be breeze. The other is very accelerated, bright, but impossible. Probably just a genius child so I feel guilty complaining but HELP! Any multiple moms, how do you do it??

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (4)
  • sorry i really dont have any advice cuz i dont have twins, good luck i am sure u are a great mother

    Answer by mommie_of02 at 4:42 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Well, it's probably easier to respond to a specific scenario, or to use examples to illustrate "how I do" whatever I do, lol, (I am not sure if you are having trouble with handling upsets between them or if it's more that you're struggling with parenting demands, how it's flat-out hard to meet the needs of two small people the same age & level), but I will give you the essential basics for my approach to my kids (I have twin boys who are 32 months old.) Empathy and validation. This means that when I'm encountering problems between them, or encountering resistance to what I'm trying to do or introduce (getting in the car or changing a diaper, etc.), I connect to how what he(or they) feels makes sense (how it isn't just "wrong," even though it's a problem for me or my agenda), and I communicate that awareness to them. In this way I'm validating them, not resisting them (and wanting them to change/thinking they SHOULD change.

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:27 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • This habitual shift to an awareness of how their feelings and wishes make sense (and are valid) brings more compassion and acceptance into my experience. Which is good for them and for me. Also, (this comes to mind because of your "They are ruling my life" comment and I can imagine that you are experiencing them as really demanding), when I am feeling frustrated and resistant, like I can't get anything done or like I have no time for myself, it really helps me to accept (or surrender to) being really available and present to the boys. This is a concept you could call front-loading, or "face time." Really realizing that young children have intense NEEDS to be seen, to connect, to have attention and interaction. It seems like if I am "together with" this fact and available in ways to meet the needs (rather than constantly trying to get away or sneak off, whatever), they are less demanding because they can relax and know....

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • ...that I am there for them (really there) and they don't have to be constantly affirming that fact. I remember just sort of accepting that, since I believe behavior is needs-based, I would assume that I really have to be available and meet their needs. And at some point, if I just trusted and was more available than resistant, they would have what they needed and I would be able to have/do more, too. And it was true. Faster than I'd have thought, too. Front-loading is key for me, and just an attitude of willingness rather than resistance, makes a huge change (and lessens the things I was finding so intolerable and resisting in the first place.) But yeah, finding the awareness in myself of how their feelings are valid regardless of what they are, and really do make sense, so that I am sending less irritation & annoyance (which is an essentially disapproving or non-accepting invalidating message) & not resisting feelings.

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:42 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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