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Worst fight ever :(

My Dh and I had the worst fight ever. I dont even know if I still love him at this moment. We had a stupid fight the night before and it was all over me getting upset with myself over my stupid sewing machine. Nothing to do with us. Well he took it as a US fight. Come to find out the next morning (yesterday morning at 6'30 am) as he was going to work he talked to his ex for over an hr! I dont even remember the last time we talked for that long. She is the one person I can not stand. I hate her. I have no prob with any other ex or even his ex wife. I had one of his ex's as my matron of honor at our wedding, I'm not a jealous women but she I just cant stand. before we started dating he was going to get back with her when she was still married but not happy(its a long BS story) but he didnt and we got together. She also drank herself into a miscarriage as he was right by her side and said it might be his child. (this was a long time ago while he was in colloge but that is the reason why I hate her) I dont trust her. I dont trust him with her either. I dont think he would cheat I just dont trust her. they started talking again with my blessing, I only asked when they did talk he tell me so I didnt come across it and think it some secret, well he talked to her that morning and didnt think about telling me. I found out (yes b/c at this moment I have no trust for him, I looked thorugh his stupid phone.) I feel like something went wrong with us so he went running to her, I hate that he can talk to her for that long but we cant, what does that say about us? I just dont know what to do. We have a son together and I want to do whats best for him. He is our world. But I dont know if I can ever trust DH. Hope this makes sense and sorry for the rant. No one to talk to and I dont see this getting better. How can I stay with a man who I dont trust.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • You said you don't see this getting better...by this do you mean you don't want him to talk to his ex or that you'll always be having these types of fights?
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:08 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I just dont know:( I dont want him talking to her BUt I dont think its fair to tell him who he can and cant talk to. He knows the reasons why I cant stand her in our life. I guess I just wish my dH would get enough common sense to realize she is making things worse which makes it EVEN more worse cause the more fights the more I think he might go to her. We have been fighting more lately and we just cant figure out why but when we do fight I feel like he comes secretive. (He's not that type of person and would never purposely hurt anybody) but it seems like we as a couple are changing and not for the good. I dont know how it fix it and not sure if I want to cause I dont deserve to feel this way.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • There is no reason he should have been talking to her that long. She is up to something and so is he. If it was me I would go right to the source and ask what she and he talked about for an hour if he gets mad about it oh well.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 3:14 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • He said it was about our vacation (family trip NOTHING romantic) And was just talking about what we as a family did. I dont care in the slightest if he gets mad at this point. I just want to figure out if I should keep our marriage going to try to fix it for our son. I will not stay in a empty marriage just for our baby but I will try to work things out and he knows the threats I said if I find out he ever cheats on me. (I'm not the shy type)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Your relationship sounds weak. He shouldn't be talking to his ex but you allowed it so he does it & now he is confiding in her maybe. One hour talk is LONG. You say you trust him, but not her, but I think you don't trust him with her either which is normal if I am wrong (sorry). I couldn't deal with this set up, its just too convenient for him this will always be an issue. He has to choose I don't think its healthy he has this friendship with his ex especially if ya don't trust her, how can you win? you will always be upset over this. Sorry, I think its wrong but that's just me. This would never fly in my house, ever. GL to you.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 3:22 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Our marriage is VERY weak:( I dont want it to be but its where were at. I dont trust him WITH her in the slightest but I dont think its right telling him who he can and cant talk to. If I say that I feel like he might resent me for that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:27 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • saying it that way yeah I guess that means there's a part of me that doesnt trust him then. He ruined that for me I trusted him BEFORE this but I dont know if I can now. I'm so mad and confused and hurt. I just dont know what to do from here.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:28 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • It sounds like his ex is the least of your worries. Why do you feel the need to look through his phone? I think the two of you should consider councelling to build trust because all great relationships are built on trust.
    thecoffeefairy

    Answer by thecoffeefairy at 4:31 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My need to check his phone was b/c he gets so secretive over it. When I leave my phone at home but want to call my mom I ask for his phone and he spends a few secs on there before he hands it to me. Never use to do that. Thats where that came from. I have never gone through his phone before but the one time I do this comes up. The whole fight this morning was b/c of this secret phone call that he doesnt mention to me. We tried counseling a few yrs ago when we had a rough patch over money and nothing came of it. the guy was making no sense and we left there wondering what just happened. Did nothing for us. we instead worked it out ourselves but that was money. I dont care about money but this is something completely different. How am I suppose to trust him. He didnt even defend the phone call, just sat there.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:39 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Did you tell him that you want him to be able to talk to you for that long? That you feel your marriage breaking down and that it hurts that he becomes secretive and turns to his ex? Did you tell him you'd rather him talk to you than her and that when he's secretive it breaks down your trust?

    I think a good place to start is a calm, open, honest conversation about where your relationship is at and determine how both of you are feeling.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 5:38 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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