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2 Bumps

No Child Support, Just need Suggestions

My son's dad doesnt pay child support. I wasnt sure whether or not to even file in the first place as he said he didnt want to be a part of my son's life, but in the end I filed as I am struggling as a single mom. He got very mad when I filed, and threatened me. He hasnt bothered (just like he said) to even check on my son, he tells everyone that I am a bitch that doesnt let him see his son. The truth is he has never tried and based how he treated the baby the last time he did see his son (that I initiated) I am not sure I would even want him anywhere near my baby.

My son and I have a pretty good life, and I have not thought about his dad for a while now. Last week the child support office called to say that since Sam has only made 1 child support payment since Sept (when I was granted the child support order) they were wondering if I am willing to testify in court to go after him. I said yes. Then she called back and said that he made a $20 payment so now she needs to wait a full 3 months with him not making any payments before she can do anything.

Now I am thinking about him, I am mad, and feel full of hate for him. I have heard that he is doing very well with his business (he doesnt file taxes, works for himself for cash) and making a lot of money. Now I feel like being vindictive but I dont know if anything I can do is worth the stress and anxiety I feel when I think about him.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Has anyone ever gone through this? Is there anything I can do? I am seriously so upset about this I feel like reporting him to the IRS for never ever paying taxes...but really, what would that do??

Help!

Answer Question
 
lasureina

Asked by lasureina at 4:12 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 4 (33 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Well like you've I've received very little child support from my son's dad, and been very conflicted about what good it would really do his child for him to get in legal trouble over it. In my case, I've been able to do ok and make a good life for us without his money, and I know it would put me through a lot of negativity and nastiness to take him to court or get IRS involved, and still might end up with him having other legal consequences but still not ever getting any money, which I can't see how that would help me at all. So in the end I have not pushed the issue. I still have some bitterness towards him for his on-again-off-again involvement in his son's life, which hurts him very much, but not about the money because I can do without it.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 4:16 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Just b/c he works under the table. doesnt mean he cant be caught. Not saying you personal but I think they can make him show proof of his bank acct and bills. Like how much he puts into the bank and how much comes out. HE CAN BE CAUGHT.

    Not taking up for him - just saying he may have said things to hurt you or to scare you into not going through with child support. (then again he could be crazy enough to do it) I would see about filing an order to say if he wants to visit its at this set time and if not then try again the next time its his turn. But I dont think you can CUT HIM OUT OF THE CHILDS LIFE. ( if he cares to be in it) call the child support people and ask them.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 4:21 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I did file and was granted Child Support. When he found out he threatened me and said he would do anything he could to hurt me and that he never wanted to see the baby or me again. Then he started going around telling everyone I keep his son from him. He knows where I work, he knows how to get ahold of me and never has asked to see his son, its been a year in May. My son is 2. @ KK BIRD what do you mean by caught? Do you think I should report him to IRS? @ RIOTGRRL did you file for support? does he contact you? Thank you ladies.
    lasureina

    Comment by lasureina (original poster) at 4:26 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • My ex was given the choice too. He chose to be a dad (he's not that good at it, but it's the best he can do). I've always sided with him spending time with his daughter then fighting over money. I ask him if I need money, but after 8 years anything he happens to give me at this point (not the monthly amount we agreed to) I put in her savings account.

    Of course you need to do what is best for your family, and if you need the support then by all means get it. Most Dads seem to pony up when they get time with their kids. Supervise in a public place if you feel the need.

    On the issue of cheating the IRS, I'd report it anonymously. Of course, there is karma to consider.
    neubren3

    Answer by neubren3 at 4:28 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Can I just tell you, your situation sounds exactly like mine! In fact, i went to the serriff's office 3 days ago to try to get back child support. He works" under the table" always has and is thousands of dollars behind! My daughter is 16 now and has never had anything to do with her. Oh, did I mention is name is Sam too? It's not about the money for me, it's the principal of it! My ex says the same comments your does and for me, that just 'fuels the fire!"I just don't think they should get away with it, I'm gonna do whatever it takes now! Suggestions for you... if you want to persu it, i was told to go to the sherrifs office first, they will go serve him papers, also go to Child Advocate., last you'll have to hire an attorney if the first 2 have no luck. Here where i live, any money owed over 5 thousand dollars is a fellony, so I'm hoping his ass will go to jail!, These " dead beats" desirve what they get!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 4:37 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I worked a full- time job in the morning and in the evening, then I sold credit cards in malls and at the city market during the weekends. While I worked, I paid another mom that I trusted to raise my daughter. Later, when I got a better position, I picked my daughter up in the evenings. I was withered to the bone (and at times had an identity crisis). But my daughter faired well with her "sisters". I worked in fast food in the morning and was a grocery night-stocker in the beginning.

    I was a discharged mom. I lost the respect of my family and was mentally abused by the father who married someone else (& rubbed it in my face)! I have a deep respect for civilians. Civilians have it much harder than the military!!!!
    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 4:39 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I would have his parental rights taken away forever!!!! U and your son do not need a no good dead beat!!!! Y don't u do that?
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 4:41 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Here's my thing, I am in the same situation, but i know every state is different. Does he not have a bank account or just walks around with tons of cash in his pocket? If he has a bank account they can put a lien on it and start taking money out of it than arrest him for if he doesn't comply. In NJ there isn't a choice...If you aren't married to the father you get support. Its a big mess here but under some kind of control I guess.
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 4:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • You are not alone. Until you said his name l thought you were talking about my son's sperm doner. l have gone through the same thing and it was the hardest thing for me to ever endure. Go after him full board. The one who did that to me had 3 kids from 3 different moms and was paying no child support because he threatened and they backed down. lf they had held his back up against the wall like l did maybe l would have been spared the most horrific pain in my life. WOMEN STAND UP AND DONT LET MEN GET AWAY WITH IT. 70% of men in jail were raised without fathers. Its because women let them get away with it. Why should they have freedom while we get stuck at home for 18 years raising a child. It takes a man and a woman to make a child, it takes a man and a woman to raise a child.
    mothertrucker30

    Answer by mothertrucker30 at 5:48 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Updating from yesterday, we do have a support order in place. When we split up, DS was a baby and I went on PA and went back to school. To file for PA in my state, they go after the dad for child support and most of it goes to replace the state assistance. So they put him on a support order, which after I graduated and got a job and got off PA, that support was to be going to me instead of to the state. However, it's been pretty unenforcable because he changes jobs frequently. He owes the state arrears too from when I was on PA, and they haven't been able to collect much of that either. He has infrequent contact with his son, like a phone call once a month or so. When he was living closer it was a little more often than that but he'd still only see him 5-6 times a year.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:02 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

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