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My husband is super tight with his family...I say up his moms put it nicely-although he is in complete denial.
We live 30-45 minutes away and see them at least once or twice a week.
Holidays are always a huge fight. My family lives an hour a way and we have to see both on every holiday. (I feel sooo pulled). My parents are very understanding whether we stay 5 minutes or 5 hours..His parents, sister, and brother in law always complain we never stay and get mad...seriously..
Then they always call or e-mail my husband afterwards to say they never see us or we always have to go.. (We also have 2 under 2).
We have to stay on routine. I feel if they weren't so demanding it might be better,but they are super strong willed and completely fed up...
This gets my husband upset saying he feels pulled between us...
What do I do/What do you think of the situation?
Thanks sooooooo much:)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Nov. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Maybe alternate the holidays


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • The way we used to do it when my older kids were little was we would in advance tell everyone exactly what the schedule was. For instance thanksgiving i went to my mom and dads which was 1.5 hours away and it was an all day event. We would offer Friday for thanksgiving for fil and Saturday with mil. It worked out great because we werent pulled.
    Now that the kids are older I ended all the fuss. We dont go anywhere. Its too hard to take all my kids out to someone elses house for any holiday. I invite everyone over to MY home and they can come or not come and stay as long as they want or stay five min. Its been great!

    Answer by gemgem at 1:39 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • My suggestion would be for your dh to tell HIS parents that he is grown! He has a family of HIS OWN.. Ya know? It isn't ALL about his family now. If they don't like it, they will get over it. They can get mad and ruin their holiday but I wouldn't let them ruin mine. Make the time equal between your family and his. Who ever doesn't like it can get over it. I wish you lots of luck and Merry Christmas!! :)

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 1:40 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • You host the dinners! That is what I would do. If they CHOOSE to not come, then oh well!

    Answer by Soniam301 at 1:50 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • We had the same problem but with my family. We got married we said we weren't going anywhere but to my grandmother's for Christmas. And that is only for lunch, no one exchanges presents there or anything. My immediate family, brothers and thier wives, kids used to all come to my parent's house first and then got to my grandmothers. My nieces and nephews had their christmas at home the saturday after christmas because there was so much running around. We didn't want that for our kids we wanted christmas to be relaxing. Anyway, everyone (my family) was so mad at us for not going now everyone is over it. We have my husband's family over the friday before christmas and then my family over the friday after christmas. Christmas is basically ours except for the two hours we are at my grandmother's. It makes more engagements but at the same time makes it less stressful.

    Answer by JamieLK at 1:58 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • lol my husband is super close with his family to up his mothers butt to be nice like you said. drives me nuts lol. Anyway we spend thanksgiving with his family and then the next day we drive to my family who lives 2hours a way and my grandmother cooks a turkey dinner and we spend all day with them. works well for us consdering my side of the family are all grown and have kids and wifes so they visit there spouses side thanksgiving and my side the following day. as for christmas we spend christmas eve with my side cuz thats when we all gather and christmas day with his side.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I'm sorry I really feel for you, I'm in the exact boat. I swear you were talking about my in laws. Sorry I don't have any advise. LOL I was hoping to get some.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I'm going through this as well. Yesterday we went to the IL's first, and they were hours behind cooking... so we had to leave before their meal in order to make my parents house. The IL's were pissed. It's not our fault they were late, I mean we got there on time and spent hours still... but they think I'm horrible because I still insisted we be on time to my parents too. Family member's like that suck the fun out of holidays. I wish I could host at my house, but it's way too small for both families. The only solution I've found is to let them be mad and not let them guilt you. My DH is just as annoyed as I am though. Ha, I'm starting to think the only solution is to play sick on x-mas.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I agree with the ones that said to host the dinner yourself, or maybe have everyone to meet in a nice restaurant (sp?). I have two kids and I can't do the here and there and then there thing... we typically just do it here at my house, it's got the most room and they get the joy of eating some good food (non traditonal) and then I get to clean up the mess. Kids are happy cause their toys are here (mine are the only two small kids in the group) so it works well for everyone.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:26 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

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