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When you left.....

To those of you who left.... right before the ultimate decision, did you waver back and forth? Did you look at the man and feel guilt? I really think the guilt is what is keeping me here sometimes. I don't knwo what to do, family, friends, counselor all want me to leave, but I feel bad for hurting him when he starts to cry and promise all these things and tell me how I haven't even tried etc. etc. Did any of you go through this? He has been mentally/emotionally/verbally abusive pretty much since after the first 6 months or so. We have been together almost 4 years, we have a 9 month old. I have an older son from prev relationship. He has an older daughter. But I can't live like this anymore. He is such a miserable person!!!!! We never laugh, we NEVER have a good time.................I feel like I have lost ME.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Nov. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • that kind of abuse is hard to heal. have you tried councling with him though? has he tried councling? Id say tell him you have to leave and be happy you have to think of your children first. maybe it doesnt have to be forever but he should maybe seek some help. But you have to be happy to raise happy healthy children. your doing your kids no good right now by staying and your doing him no good either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • i know exactly how you feel it took me a total of 8 x's to leave my DH. each time we got back together it got worse. one of these days your relationship will be so toxic you wont feel the guilt when you leave. its hard but you have to think about your children and protect them at all cost. if you need to talk buzz me

    Answer by bonnie-jo at 2:25 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I am going through the exact same thing right now...I have told him time and time again that things need to change because neither of us are happy and all it is going to do is hurt our child. Now it has gone from him being upset and begging me to stay to threatening me that he is going to take my child from me. I know in my heart that no court in the world would give our child to him (for various reasons that are way to complicated to explain), however, now I feel like I am too scared that there is that "what if" they do give him custody of MY baby?? I just don't know what to do anymore either, and I KNOW that I am just not me anymore...but hang in there and do what is right for your baby!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Answered at 2:26 PM on Nov. 28, 2008 by: Anonymous
    Now it has gone from him being upset and begging me to stay to threatening me that he is going to take my child from me. I know in my heart that no court in the world would give our child to him

    thats exactly what my Dh is doing right now its so stressful but its nice to know im not the only one going thru this crap....

    and to poster .... check with local agencies to get the help you need to leave this abusive relationship..

    Answer by bonnie-jo at 2:37 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • yes I waivered and yes I felt guilt and yes I lost me which was the worst part of it all. They use the crying and guilt to control. They know we are kind souls and they take advantage of it and say anything to keep us as possessions not as loved ones. Even if you leave for a while so you can think clearly and find yourself, it's worth the journey. You can always go back later if you think it's the right thing to do but do it because you know it's the right thing to do not bc he cries and makes false promises. make him prove himself. Don't stay until he breaks your spirit and you have nothing left to give.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:41 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • yes they always make you feel like this , but you know in your heart of hearts what is right for you ,just look back at what you have posted ,so you know what to do .

    Answer by loulou332 at 3:39 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • i had this problem my guilt wasnt for hurting him but causing my kids to have a broken home and that made me stay for a bit but then i realized if i wasnt happy how was i gonna kieep my kids happy? and then i left it was hard and even though i didnt want to b with him any more i missed him for a while but now me and my kids are much better off

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:04 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • i have been in a similar situation. The type of abuse he is doing is only going to get worse. Do you want your child to grow up around that? Your main focus now is your children. You have to realize he is not able to understand your feelings, you are wasting your time trying to explain things to him. Just accept that he will not "get it"....Now it's time to leave, just get your children and leave, nothing he says matters, there is no true feeling behind any of it.

    Answer by robinann5 at 5:12 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

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