Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Need some more advice on a funeral situation.

Not sure if I'm thinking of doing the right thing, or just coping out.

My health hasn't been the best over the last few years and I've been getting a lot of treatments for it. During all this I came to become friends with a woman I'll call K.
she was so sweet the kind of person that always made you feel better. Just a few weeks ago she was telling me how much better I looked, and how happy she was that I was up to biking again. Told me she was really worried about me for a while.
well due to a surprising turn of events, she has died and her funeral is tomorrow.
I'm medically not supposed to get upset, and I fear that attending a funeral will make me more upset.
Call me crazy, but I just woke from a nap and dreamed that she told me that I shouldn't go if it was going to make me more upset. that I should honor her by having a good day, to go off and work out my feelings on my bike instead. That she didn't need me to go to a funeral to show that I cared about her, that I always showed her I cared.

and she probably would think that all this fuss is stupid!

Guess I just needed to unload mostly, but would appreciate thoughts about it.

They set up a fund for her 5 year old son, but I was thinking about getting him a gift card to a toy store.
any thoughts?

Answer Question
 
ItsMe89

Asked by ItsMe89 at 6:49 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,130 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • If you think the funeral will be upseting don't go. Send a card, flowers, gift card whatever sharing your condolences and be done. It sounds as if not going may be leaving you guilt ridden but theres no reason for that, with your health stuff simple condolences sent is acceptable and shows you care.
    leejoy

    Answer by leejoy at 6:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I think the dream was 100% correct in that you might get stressed and you showed her you cared while she was alive. You can send a card to the family and the gift card is a very nice idea. You could stop over with it in a few days. Hugs to her son and take care of yourself.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:55 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I'm still thinking about it, but I think you are probably right, going may not be the best idea
    ItsMe89

    Comment by ItsMe89 (original poster) at 6:58 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I won't comment on the funeral. However, I strongly suggest you DO NOT get a gift card to a toy store. Your friend will not be there to take care of her son, so setting up the trust fund is far more important. You don't have to make a huge donation. If you get a five year old a gift card, you are making work for someone else who will have to arrange to take the child to the store. Unless you are intimately involved in the care of this child do not make more work for others! If you like, send him a gift (not a gift card) on his birthday. Don't make his mother's death an event commemorated with gifts.
    Whimsee

    Answer by Whimsee at 7:01 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • "If you get a five year old a gift card, you are making work for someone else who will have to arrange to take the child to the store." didn't think about that.

    the reason for the toy was because when my nieces mom had a medical emergency, someone ordered her some toys for her to play with to help her feel better during this time.

    that's where I got the idea from
    ItsMe89

    Comment by ItsMe89 (original poster) at 7:04 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • your friend told u what she wanted. listen. funerals are more for the people left behind than the person who has left anyway. As far as her son... do both. or take him biking with u every now and again.

    Sorry about your friend.
    kadensmom04

    Answer by kadensmom04 at 7:07 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • send something don't think you should put yo health on the line
    benitaapplebomb

    Answer by benitaapplebomb at 8:33 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Can you just go for visitation, pay your respects and leave? Definitely, giving what you can to the fund for the son is as good as going to the funeral.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:45 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I don't think you have to attend the funeral. Celebrate her life while you are on your bike. Remember all the good things about her and your friendship. Sending a card or flowers or a plant or making a donation in her name would be another idea.
    I am very sorry for the loss of your friend!!
    HeidisMom800

    Answer by HeidisMom800 at 10:59 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I think you should go for at least a little bit and here's why. I know I would stress more about feeling guilty about not going and have anxiety about that more than I would from just going to the funeral or the calling hours. You will be upset during the funeral yes but you're upset about your friend anyway and it really might help you to pay your respects and have some closure. As well as showing support for her family. If you truly feel you can't handle it then don't but I know for me I would try my best to go. Sorry to hear you lost a friend.....

    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 1:31 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.