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4 Bumps

Is it fair to spend more on 1 child than another?

My husband traded his motorcycle for a car for my oldest son (valued 500$) 6 years ago - we paid 500$ for my second sons car - 3 years ago. (2 oldest are mine from a previous marriage) Now my step daughter is turning 16 and her mother wants to purchase a car for 9000$ - of which she wants my husband to help pay for. The rule when the boys got a car was having a job to pay for gas, part insurance and upkeep on the cars. SD does not have a job, nor is she being required to get one. I said 500$ can come out of our household account to go for a car but he wants to give her 3000$. I do not think this is fair. I realize cars are more expensive and you want something reliable but 9000?? BTW BOTH cars we got the boys are still running and being used by them!


Asked by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I think if she wants to buy her a $9,000 car let her pay 8,500 of it,, I assume your hubby pays Child Support? Or you all take care of SD full time? I think you have to be fair in this situation,, and unless she is involved in too many activities to have a job, she needs to get one,, but be careful how you pose this,, the last thing you need is for her to start hating you! Good luck I know how hard it is to be a step mom,, and I think your in the right here!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:01 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • PS--What kind of car do you have? Maybe you can give it to her and have her mom give you 6,000! Then you can have a new car!!!!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:05 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Yes I think it's ok to spend more on one than another. Treat children individually. However, I don't think that applies in this case. Her mom should not buy a car assuming you will pay for half. Your husband obviously does not consider all his children as equals, favoring the girl. Also not cool. And, he should not give 3,000 or your money to his daughter if you are not ok with it, you are supposed to be partners, and when you are married his money is your money.
    To me it sounds more of a break down in how committed your husband is to his marriage than anything else.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:31 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • for a girl you want something safer but yeah.. that might be a bit much.

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 7:57 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I would have to agree. I would give 500 towards the car.


    Answer by mom-o-2-in-2 at 7:57 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • No, giving 6x as much is not fair. He should tell the ex-wife that your family's contribution is $500 just like it was for your sons. Likewise, the two of you should not be paying more for her gas and insurance than you would for your boys. This is a sure-fire way to stick a wedge into your family dynamics by playing mine-vs-yours.

    Answer by tyheamma at 8:01 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • yikes this is a tough situation I do not think that is fair good luck

    Answer by ChanQ at 8:07 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I'm on the opinion 500 should be given towards her car just like the boys cars. You can get a really good "used" car for much less then 9,000. I paid 4500 for mine and when I finally sold it it had over 120,000 miles, was still working just fine, and had been owned by me for 6 years, I just wanted a newer car. I sold it to a friend who another year later is still driving it, so that 4500 has gone a long way. I also believe she should be helping pay for gas and insurance, just like the boys were expected to. I don't believe in different "rules" for girls or boys, or step vs biological children. What applies to one should apply to all.

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 8:13 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • No, I don't think that much should be spent since you guys already laid down the ground work for how much was going to be.  I think if she wants to chip in more than that and get the more expensive car, so be it.  But no, I wouldn't go for that.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 8:25 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Sorry, but I would give only $500 for the car since that is what you provided for your boys. The same rules should apply for your boys and for his daughter.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2011