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3 Bumps

Best friend wrongly accused TMI adult content

Any advice would be wonderful!
My best friend, we'll call him Greg, got a phone call today. It was from a girl we are an acquaintance with. In Oct, Greg had a big party at his house. He is president of a student club at our university for science majors, and it was a party to raise money-each glass of beer was $2. At this party Greg and this girl (we'll call Sally) got super drunk. He is not an alcoholic, gets drunk maybe once a year--this time he got drunk because playing beer pong he was teamed up with a girl who didn't want to drink more than a glass, so he drank hers and his. So at this party he and Sally were rather wasted.
She has been hitting on him for the past few years, but he had a girlfriend until just before this party, and just was never interested in her. During the party she and him were all touchy feely and kissing. They went outside together for a few min and came back in holding hands. Then they went down to his room in the basement for about 30min. After that they came back up holding hands. He took some IB profin, and went back downstairs to sleep he said. She stayed a little longer, the party lasted another 2 hrs and then it was over. The next morning he called me and asked what had happened because he didn't remember anything. I told him about being all touchy with Sally and asked went on downstairs and he said he didnt remember. He called her and asked and she said she didnt remember either, but was really hung over. She also said she had talked to the friends she had came with and they just said she had spent most of the night with him and was pretty drunk at the party.

Well now 5months later, she calls and says that she is going to press charges against him. Saying she feels he took something from her and that she didnt consent to anything. She claims shes been seeing a psych and talking a lawyer, and has been really depressed because of this. She said she almost dropped out of school and her grades have dropped. She still says she doesnt remember exactly what happened, and she isn't pregnant or anything. He is freaking out, because he honestly does not remember what happened either, he remembers kissing, and has little flashes of laughing and getting under the covers with her but thats it. Personally, I have known this guy for 15yrs. He is super respectful to women, opens the door for girls, etc, and I know without a doubt he would not have had sex if she had said no. He is not super promiscuous, is 23 and has been with 2 women, not counting this girl, and he had dated one for 2yrs, the other for a year.

Now he is stuck without knowing to do. He is going to call around for a lawyer tomorrow for legal advice, but right now, hes just stuck. To even be accused of something like this is killing him. But none of us were in that room, so no one can say that we saw what happened.

Would there really be a legal case when about 50 of us can say that we saw the 2 of them totally drunk before the alleged assault? I feel so helpless. I don't drink and so I feel like I should have stepped in and just told him to go to bed earlier. He has been with me through so much and now I don't know how to help him. :(

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • In a case such as this, because she has no forensic evidence, she really doesn't have a leg to stand on. However, as in most legal proceedings, the case is almost always that a man will be found at fault. They told us in college "Even if you're both drunk and both consent, it will still count as rape/assault on the man's part because he is seen as more 'capable'."

    Answer by EdwinsMommy at 9:45 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Wow.  I agree with you, no one was in that room and can say what did and didn't happen.  However coming back out holding hands would have been the cue to me that all was well.  In my eyes, she got drunk and now feels guilty and is trying to put the blame on him. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:45 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • he could charge her with the same thing, he was not able to take advantage of her is he was truly that dunk and had no recollection of the night himself. Let him know that the next time she contacts him that he should turn the tables on her and let her know that he feels he was taken advantage of and that is considering pressing charges....

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 9:46 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • find something stupid.. like did she remember to take her necklace off and put it on the night stand. if she remembered to take off jewelry she was sober enough to have sex.. it sounds VERY stupid but we just had a case here where the girl dropped the entire thing because she was sober enough to removed a bracelet

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:49 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Oh and even though no one was in the room, everyone who witnessed them together period would help his case I think.  I would start calling the people at the party and seeing who would be willing to say what they did see.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:51 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • There were enough people there that saw her come back up happy. There are enough people that know she has been hitting on him for the past few years. He does need to contact an attorney. None of this is gonna ease his mine, or yours. He can sue her for defamation of character. What else, IDK. But, he needs to get on it, and do damage control. She has mental issues. And I wonder how many other guys she's done this to.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:55 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I really don't know the legal standpoint for this type of situation but I highly doubt it will get very far. For one thing, waiting 5mths to report a rape, even if it was true, leaves no physical evidence whatsoever, which cases like that rely on. It's basically her word against his. Plus he seems to have character witnesses who will most likely be willing to testify on his behalf. If I were you I would be willing to go to court and tell them everything you just put here, including how she was after his forever before that and they were holding hands all night and she obviously wasn't upset after coming upstairs. Talk to other people at the party and see who else would be willing to give a statement or testify in court. It wouldn't hurt for him to get a lawyer either way so he's not standing up there alone not knowing what to do. I really don't think this girl has a leg to stand on tho. Good luck to your friend!

    Answer by Mamapunkin21809 at 9:55 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Honestly, I think Sally is crazy! She's liked him for a long time and feels rejected. HOW in the WORLD can she say she feels a certain way (Well now 5months later, she calls and says that she is going to press charges against him. Saying she feels he took something from her and that she didnt consent to anything. She claims shes been seeing a psych and talking a lawyer, and has been really depressed because of this.) WHEN SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? I mean, seriously???

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 10:04 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I agree with the ladies above. Kind of fishy if you ask me especially if she didn't even filed a police report.

    Answer by babygirl0782 at 10:24 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I have no idea what he can do legally other than contact a lawyer. As far as how you can help him, it sounds as though you are doing it. Being there for him and listening to him. From what you said on here it sounds as if you would be a good character reference for him. Sometimes the best thing we can do for others is to listen and stand by them when they need us too!! Tell your friend good luck! Hope everything turns out for him.

    Answer by HeidisMom800 at 10:32 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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