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2 Bumps

Should i get her to call him?

my fiance and I are raising his little brother who has been in foster care most of his life.
he will be 12 on Friday and he thinks his biological Mom is going to call to say happy birthday.
My fiance Zach has talked to him about it, explaining that his Mom is probably not going to call and its not his fault, its just the way she is and has always been.

me and zach have been talking and we thought about calling their mom and asking her to call jonah on his birthday. but theres a few problems... we aren't sure we can find a way to contact her by then since we never know where she is. she might flat out say she wont. she might say she will and then never call. but the biggest thing is if she calls him and he gets all excited about it, and then he'll just be disappointed when he realizes thats all hes going to get, a call on his birthday and she wont do anything to be involved wtih his life, after that call.

he just wants to talk to her so bad, but I don't want him to get his hopes up about a relationship with her.
I just want him to have a good birthday, and not be disappointed all day, waiting for that call.

what should we do :/

 
agallo004

Asked by agallo004 at 11:09 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 7 (170 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Since it's obviously on your mind, I would do my best t contact her for his sake. Be there for him when she does. Be there for him if she doesn't. You and your husband have opened the lines of communication with him so don't blow it now. Talk to him again and explain to him again not to have high expectations. Never lie to him or pretend she is doing something that she isn't. He'll be dealing with all kinds of disappointments as he grows. Help him face life by offering advice and support. Be honest and open with him; he needs to know that you and your husband are doing your best to love and raise him as responsible parents. So don't assume anything ahead of time, make the call or contact in any way you can. If you feel your help is not enough, seek counseling from professionals.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:08 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • you could try it... or you can simply mail him a card to your address " from her" and maybe say that she's unable to call right now or something. Just a suggestion
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:22 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • at 12yrs is odd age all your talking to him has not help maybe if you ask your mother to call or his other grandma it might help buy a gift and put his mothers name on it yes you gave him the gift but for one moment he will think it from mom
    that's what he really wants is gift from mom on his birthday so make his wish come true
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:25 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I honestly wouldnt do either of the previous suggestions,,sorry ladies. That could open a whole can of worms if he finds out mom didnt send that card or mom didnt send that gift. He needs to feel that he can trust you guys right now. It would be nice if she called, if you can arrange that, then it would be great. If you cant, then thats that. He is going to have a great day b/c he is surronded by people who really love him and care about him, thats what he wants too and thats what you are giving him. good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I think is wonderful that your thinking of helping him have a relationship with his biological mom, this will only help resolve any issues and anxiety his feeling. I hope she will welcome your effort and take this opportunity to have contact with her biological son. Despite her overwhelming problems or guilt that is preventing her from not calling herself, hopefully you can assure her for your son sake how much you welcome her calling. Find out more about her and reasons she has not called before. You might get answers to questions you both have about her, etc. Maybe she would welcome pictures of him growing up.
    singlemom18yrs

    Answer by singlemom18yrs at 11:33 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Ask her outright but you need to also tell him the truth tell him she might not call and that if she does not . I would sit her down and ask her how much she wants to know and if she wants to participate. Counseling might help or a support group something for your spouse and you and for his brother.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:40 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I'd just ask her, and I'd explain to him if she says she will call that she may call and she may not. Keep reassuring him that it's not his fault. I hope she does call him, and kudos to you for trying to encourage a relationship with his mother. Good luck!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:57 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I don't think I could recommend lieing to a kids who is going to have trust issues. And let's face it if you call her and then she calls him and he says she remembered, then finds out that you reminded her,...
    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 9:01 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

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