Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

I am asking for too much for him to update me weekly on her progress?

Need advice, recently my daughter moved in with her dad, after 19 years for the first time and her dad seems to want to call me with updates once a month, unless something happens that I need to know. This really upsets me, since I really wish he welcome my concerns about my daughter, since especially when she not talking with me and has had many teenager issues that are huge concern to me.

Issue like, I found nude pictures of her in her apple computer, which I believe was sharing them with her boyfriend who away at college. Her father abandonment for all these years has been huge affect of wanting inappropriate attention from boys. She has made more than few mistakes when it comes to relationships with boys. It was scary time when she was attending high school, it was one scandal after the other. Inappropriate dressing fights, her friends stealing from the house and her coming home late, etc. Her tantrums of throwing things, breaking pictures and loud screams of her shouting. Basically out of control. Toxic!!!!!!!!!!Had no choice, but welcome her living with her dad.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Mar. 30, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (16)
  • She's got to grow up sometime. I bet empty nest sucks, though. *hugs*
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 11:15 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • So in other words you gave up on her and set her to a mans house that obviosly doesn't care about her if he was never in her life? Sad...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I got one of those asses too
    Its not right.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:15 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • She's an adult. If she wanted you to know what was going on in her life she would call you. Sorry. Maybe you should work on fixing things between you two so she'll talk to you and tell you what is going on.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:24 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Don't use the abandonment issue as an excuse for her behavior. She sounds like she has other issues deeper then her dad leaving her. And now that he is back, I would be looking at why he has decided to come back, or did she find him? She is now trying to hurt u futher by staying with her dad. She also more then likely told her dad not to call u about her behavior. U wondering how a teenager can tell an adult what to do? Easy, its called a "guilt trip." "U tell mom anything, I'll leave!" Or any such nonsense. I did the same thing with my own bio-father. Really laid the guilt trip reallllll thick. To the point he would have robbed a bank to keep me happy and to make up ther yrs of him not there. As for the photos of herself nude, and depending if she was under 18 when she sent those photos, she and the b/f can get busted for kiddy porn if she was younger then 18, he can be declared a sex offender.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:46 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • Well she is 19 and you couldn't stop her anyway! So what if she shares naked pix with her boyfriend SHE IS 19! Live with it and maybe when you get your head out of your *** you will see that is not a little girl and that you are being over protective of an adult and I can see why shes not talk to you. You want a relationship with her then deal with her being her own person. My mother said I was out of control bc I was different, I did no drugs drinking and did well in school and I am married and a mom and she still treats me like a little girl.
    SatyrsMom

    Answer by SatyrsMom at 11:51 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • As for the most part, if she is of age, there really isn't anything u can do except maybe get ahold of him and at least ask hium to noifiy u if she gets into legal or medical problems. She will have to make the choices to do things, whether or not they are legal and juist be there for her when and if she crashes and burns. Just please do not ever tell her u told her so, she already knows. If u must, do it in your head and do a happy dance in private.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • She's an adult, leave her alone. She will talk to you on her own time. The more you push the farther away she'll go.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:00 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • How is it her dad's responsibility to inform you of what your 19 year old daughter is doing? If you want to know, ask HER. Honestly, now that she is an adult, I don't see any reason for him to even call once a month.. Not trying to sound rude, but the two of you are exes of how many years, and you are expecting him to still inform you of what's going on when your daughter is a grown woman? You need to leave him out of it and contact her. If she wants to talk, she will. But as an adult, you can't control her behavior.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 12:28 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • It is called co-parenting. If the table were turned I would welcome him calling me asking me about my daughter health and well being. Parenting is for a life time. I love my daughter very much and I have not given up on her. I want them to have a relationship with her dad. I know we could help her, no matter the issue. I am not trying to be controlling, I just know my daughter more than he does. I am grateful that he trying to have a relationship with her after all this time. I am trying my best not to judge him for not being part of her life. He knows I have been good mom to her and she love me very much. It difficult time for her at this time, I am just overwhelmed by this situation.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:02 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.