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3 Bumps

How to deal with the stress of an ex wife?

my husbands ex wife is mean to his kids she tells them thay are comeing to live with us then turns around and tells them we dont want them me and my husband want them very baddly... but being she is the mom we most likely wont get them unless she hands them over...on top of that her new husband is mean to them....she blows the child suport money at the bars and the kids go with out there is no way of proveing she is unfit either... she is on husband #3 and jon (my husband) was number two when he meet her she just had a baby and was living out of her car he took her of the streets and gave her a place to live later they had 3 other kids while he was deployed she spent all there money and moved her future husband in

Answer Question

Asked by miaB.20 at 3:41 AM on Mar. 31, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • well this is a very critical situation... i dont think she will ever hand over the kids herself. i think u should ask the children where they want to live n r they happy with their mom?? if they r not then u can go to police or in court to get them........

    Answer by Mrs.Khan at 4:39 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • i think that you should have thought twice about marrying your hubby. what we women need to realize is that;; when you get married to a man, you will be inheriting some bullsh*t too ! real talk....... we need to be wiser and more selective when brining someone into our lives. now; he had the kids and all this drama in his life before you, so did you think it was going to get better with his ex and kids?? this is a very big,wide world and i would be damned if i am going to settle for some man with all of this crap going on. why does your relationship have to suffer because your husband made a poor choice in his past ?(messing with his ex). don't you think if you were a bit more selective you would not be going through this right now?? think about it... there are lots of good men out there without this drama trailing behind him. i am not trying to belittle you because i would give my sister the same advice if she asks.

    Answer by gwen20 at 5:29 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • You don't deal with her. Just sit the kids down and tell them we love you and want you to be able to come over any time you want and if we could you would be living with use. But that is not up to us.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:48 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Gwen...terrible! You cannot help who you fall in love with, you fall in love with the man he currently is, not his past. So you can see I married a man and we each had some "baggage." A real woman stands by her man and supports him in his decisions and vise versa. That's also called conditional love.........

    To Mia - I know its hard, and near impossible to prove she's an unfit mother in the courts eyes. She probably only keeps the kids for the child support, sad but happens all too often dangit! When the kids are old enough and hopefully not suffered damage beyond repair, you can take her to court and they will be able to chose. GL, I know how you feel! Oh, and there is no law anywhere stating the mother automatically gets custody, is there an order already in place?

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:07 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I agree with Gwen. But you should get a lawyer and see what your options are as far as filing for custody.

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 8:17 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Been dealing with this for over 10 years. Number one rule is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER discuss anything about her home, life, behavior, child support or the divorce with or within earshot of the children. Rule #2, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!! Get a spiral notebook & start making notes about every contact, good, bad, or indifferent. keep date & time, topic & result. Example, X called, talked to kids while they were here. no problems. Or, X called & says kids can't come this weekend. I reminded her that she will be contempt of the order & then ended call. You can back fill if you can remember specific events & dates.
    promise the kids that you will always tell them the truth. One of those truths is that some things are adult issues & you will not discuss those with them. I will con't in another post.

    Answer by 1bionicgranny at 9:08 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • If they say, mom says, just reply, your mom is entitled to her opinion. Also rules at your mom's home & ours may be different but they are still rules & must be followed at each house. If she does something outrageous, just tell them that sometimes people make poor choices. That doesn’t make them a bad person, only a person who made a bad choice. We are not responsible for other people’s choices, only how we respond to them.
    Also I suggest you check out the Single Parents Access & resource Center. (SPARC) It is a site dedicated to keeping both parents involved in the children’s lives. They have topical bulletin boards & lots of great people to help you on this very difficult journey. Please feel free to contact me if I can help.

    Answer by 1bionicgranny at 9:08 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • thank you guys so much i had posted some other qestions consrerning this issue and all i was told by several ppl to leave him and that i was in the wrong for getting involved with all this dramma i thought this was a selfish thing to say and all though i know things are truff i believe the right thing to do is stick by my man no matter what ppl where putting me down about my age being i am 19 and he is 28 i dont think age has anything to do with love or making a relationship work... ppl where also saying i am not thinking about my son first i do not see why ppl would get this idea bc i am married to my husband and he is in the army my son has everything he needs now ..... i also do not get why ppl thing that is two seperate issues i have a kid and he had kids way before we both meet....also being in the milarty means we can see his kids all the time us being in alaska and them in north carolina....

    Comment by miaB.20 (original poster) at 4:13 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • thank you all for being so suportive..... i really needed that..... everyday i feel like it is a fight not only to try and make it so the kids are all safe but to prove to ppl we do love eachother and that i am wit him bc to turn down a man who has kids is selfish when so many woman out there have this problem of not being able to find a man to take on there kids i just wish i could change the views of these woman......thank you for the advice although most of this i already know it is good to know i am not the only person going through this

    Comment by miaB.20 (original poster) at 4:16 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

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