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4 Bumps

Why are some women offended when their husbands are not attracted to them anymore after they have gained a ton ?

women do gain weight because of child birth, medical reasons, age, sure... some women snap right back into shape after the baby while some require a lot of exercise. i am not talking about the women who have a little extra lbs from having kids; but the ones who BLOW can you get mad when your man is not attracted to you ? that does not mean he does not love you! but the attraction is gone. i mean can u really blame him ?? if he wanted a rotund woman, he would have gotten one in the 1st place. most men will be nice enough to say "no honey..i still am attracted" right..... men are visual.


Asked by gwen20 at 4:21 AM on Mar. 31, 2011 in Diet & Fitness

Level 35 (71,622 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Sorry not all men like stick figures. Dh is still interested in me even though I am plus sized. And women aren't the only ones who change over time. If your relationship is based on physical attraction then its not going to last. Lets face it, no matter how much you take care of yourself your body is still going to change and so is his.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 6:38 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I would be extremely pissed.  I have loved my husband through his beer gut, his weight loss, his food weight gain and never once was I not attracted to him.  In my eyes, if he wasn't attracted to me then he could just as easily move on with someone else. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 6:29 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • SalemWitch, again I agree with you 100%. Have you ladies ever heard someone say wow he/she was gorgeous until they opened their mouth. Well I learned a long time ago that physical attractiveness is an illusion. When you base sexual attraction on nothing but physicality it will usually leave a relationship lacking in one way or another.Love isn't about the way you look, and if you love the person your with based on nothing but they way they look, not only are you shallow, but you haven't even begun to learn how to truly love yourself (not you personally just easier than them and they). I've seen many relationships where one or the other ballooned and they are still happily married, because they fell in love with each other as a person, not a body image. I have met people that i haven't been physically attracted to until they talked...and let me tell you intellectual attraction will trump physicality every time.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:07 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • What an interesting question !! DH and I had this conversation about 2 months ago. He is no longer attracted to me . We have been together for 11 years and 55lbs later...he no longer finds me attractive. On an odd spin of things...DH has gained about 45lbs himself since we got together. I still find him attractive.
    I wasnt offended by the conversation or his veiws. In fact I respected the fact that he came to me and told me this in all honesty.
    I wont hurt pretty bad. I swallowed a few tears.
    After about a month of feeling sorry for myself....I got on a diet. I have only lost 4lbs...but its something.

    Answer by Wish2Be at 8:22 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I agree with the point you're trying to make, OP, and also with ObbyDobbie. Husbands (and wives!) should not stop loving one another due to changes in physical appearance. But physical attraction can be a separate issue, though it can also be tied in with love...human beings are complex creatures.
    My personal experience: after my 2nd child, I was carrying extra weight (like over 60 pounds extra) and my husband never said anything negative toward me about it, never withheld affection or intimacy. However, when I started working my tush off and losing the weight, he was encouraging. And now that I am around my ideal body weight and have a pretty toned body (as good as it can be for almost 35 anyway :-)), he just can't keep his hands off of me. It doesn't make me think that he was grossed out when I was chubby, but obviously he is turned on by my figure much more now. He's human. I'd feel the same if roles were reversed.

    Answer by vicesix at 7:18 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Move an attraction are two different things entirely- you can have one without the other. Personally, I've worked my ass off (now have to do it again because of the fucking meds! ugh!) so I could be proud of who I am. I *did* blow up, and I had enough self respect to lose it.
    Attraction isn't just skin deep either.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 7:03 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Wish2Be, I would really wonder if a man that controlling and pompous (you loose weight for me, but I won't for you) is worth my time. I'm sorry you have to live with that.

    As for the OP's question - I have to wonder how strong ANY relationship can be that is based on the physical appearance. What should women do when they start to wrinkle and their husbands want someone who looks 10 or 20 years his junior? Plastic surgery? Sorry, but your line of thinking is terribly shallow here.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:18 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Hmmmm, I've slightly blown up since my son was born 10 weeks ago, and my boyfriend seems to want me just as much! Think I'm just lucky :)

    Answer by kylie_bob at 5:39 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • They are offended because everyone wants to feel loved and desired no matter what size we are.

    Answer by thecoffeefairy at 3:26 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Because maybe they feel their man married them because they loved them not because they were hot. I dunno.

    Answer by Imogine at 5:06 PM on Mar. 31, 2011