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how do you know when a person is controlling and manipulative?


Asked by ylonda at 4:45 PM on Nov. 28, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • You find yourself omiting or lying about innocent things.

    Answer by Farrahann at 4:57 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • They want to know everywhere that you've been/where you are. They basically want to have some sort of possession of you and rule over every detial of your life, okay I understand that is a wild generalisation, but it gives the main point.

    Answer by haleykarson at 4:49 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Try this test. Lets say the person is always seeming to want control of a specific aspect of your life. My example is my ex always wanted to handle my child support case for my older kids, even though i was very capable of talking to the child support dept. One day I decided to tell him no, I would do it myself because I really felt that I could do that. He got very angry and aggitated. This was my personal test. Im sure if youre asking this there is a specific aspect this person is controlling try taking back responsibilty for that aspect and see how they react. If its no big deal and slides of their back then no maybe not controlling. If it results in the silent treatment, or other "punishment" then they are controlling and manipulative.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:12 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I think it's hard to tell sometimes. Some people are very obvious about it, they distort facts, want to know where you are all the time, monitor you or spy on you, don't let you go out with friends, etc. But I had a girlfriend who, over time, became very controlling and manipulative. She was very smart about it and would do little things, like criticize me in a way that made it seem she was just giving 'advice.' It was hard to spot but I always had this very uncomfortable feeling around her and finally began to see that when I didn't do what she wanted or behave in the way she wanted, she would get upset or critical. It's different for every person, but mostly it's just a feeling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • That test idea is a very good idea! I wish I had known that. I have known a few very controlling people and that's a great way of eeking them out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Yep its really easy to do. I started getting that feeling myself and then decided I would just see what happened if I took something (minor really) away. He was very sneaky also and devious, still is, but that was the beginning of the end and thank God hes gone.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:29 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

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