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4 Bumps

Sending the kids to school in CRAP

Me and my ex have 4 children together, we divorced almost 4 years ago and have a court ordered visitation schedule that says he has them every other weekend and one day during the week till 7 pm. We, however agreed (not in writing) that we would do every other weekend and one day during the week, but do it overnight since he lives 45 mins away from me (only 30 min from the kids school). We also agreed that we wouldn't do any child support (I could get some from him but it's not much anyway and me and my new DH do very well) but also that each of us would provide for the children while at our houses, so he has to have clothes and toys for them.It worked well until he got remarried to a woman with 3 kids of her own. They are all about the same age too. Well I started noticing that on wednesday (the day he drops them off from school) my kids were coming home in the junkiest of clothing, which never happened before. My ex always bought them nice clothes to wear. Anyway I asked my ex about it and he said that since all the kids are so close in age, they just put all the boy clothes in one room and all the girls clothes in another and the first ones to get to the closet, gets to choice first. So basically I find out that my kids are wearing the Skid's clothes (that are old and ratty) while they are wearing the clothes my ex bought for HIS kids. My ex said it's not fair for his kids to have nice clothes and his step kids to not have them but they can't afford to buy any new clothes at the moment. My kids (who are 12, 10, 7 and 5) hate wearing these old clothes and most don't even fit right. I am thinking about telling him that we will just go by the court order and he will have to bring them home tuesday night since he can't seem to get our kids dressed properly. The reason I was ok with the overnight was because if we went by the schedule, he would pick them up at 3, drive 30 min to his house, then have to leave by about 6 or 6:15, so that is not a lot of time AND our court order says they have to finish all homework with him, so after that and dinner, their time would be over. Our kids go to a really nice school, most of the kids there have a least one parent who makes a 6 figure income, (my husband is a dentist) so while at some schools, children coming to school once a week dressed like ragamuffins isn't so bad, it is BAD at this school, my kids get teased all day long. They will still have to dress like this every other weekend but at least they won't have to go to school like that (I will NOT send over clothes, cause I am sure the Skids will end up wearing them). Is this wrong of me? I want the best for my children and I don't think it's fair for them to dress like trash just because that's how their step siblings dress.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Mar. 31, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (21)
  • Nope it isnt wrong. I had a similar problem with my ex. He was living with a woman and they had a child together. She chose to dress her child in cheap clothes from Walmart, and that is fine, its her child, her choice. My son however always has had nice clothes, both dad and I both buy them for him. I sent some clothes for him to wear there and she told me it was not fair for him to have nicer clothes then his sister. I told her she was free to buy whatever clothes she wanted for her dd, but couldnt just dismiss what I chose for my son. She had him in walmart clothes coming home. I would send him into the bathroom to change & give them back.

    I would just go by the court order. It is what I always do because otherwise things like this will happen, especially once you have another woman involved with ex who thinks they can make choices for your kids.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:37 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I think you have the right idea, just stick to the court order. He can't have a problem with it or give you a problem because it's court ordered! And yes, DONT send over nice clothes, so you can NEVER see them again....Sorry I am a greedy B**** and I don't like sharing my kids clothes with other kids that are just going to trash them! Sorry for cursing :)
    MOM2DYLnHAYLEE

    Answer by MOM2DYLnHAYLEE at 12:40 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I thought it was nice of me to allow the extra time because of the distance but my ex can't mistreat my children like this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:43 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Just make sure you send it in a registered letter. And make sure you put in it that you were kind enough to allow extra time but given the new circumstances you are going to now go by what the court ordered. That way it is documented you allowed extra time until these new circumstances came up and it cant be used against you.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:45 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • pack clothes for them. thats my only answer. tell him that your kids have their own clothes and they are not to be shared
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:53 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I have sent over clothes before and never got them back
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:55 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Maybe you can start packing an overnight bag for the kids just for that one day during the week and they HAVE to wear whats in the bag..make it clear to ex husband that these are the clothes that you bought and paid for and no one else is to wear them but your kids. Try it..if it works....good..if not...try something else.
    I agree with you..its wrong of him to do that.All you can really do is do what you feel is best for your own children.
    Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:55 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I'm sorry..I didnt read your post about already sending them over clothes until after I posted.
    What if you have him bring them home early the next morning to get ready for school? Maybe after a few weeks of having to do all that running around, he'll smarten up about the clothes.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:58 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • kimberly, I have thought about that, but my children would be the ones suffering because they would have to wake up quite a bit earlier and that is not fair for them.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:01 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Just end it. You have a court order for a reason. Follow it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

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