Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Extra circulars

Me and my ex have 4 children together, we divorced almost 4 years and have our children in several extra circulars, most of which I take them to but my 2 DDs have gymnastics on Sat from 11-2:30 so every other weekend, my ex takes them. All 4 of my children are in karate and from time to time, they have sat activities so if it is his weekend, he takes them to that (though I usually go as well since they are usually belt promotions) We both agreed on signing them up both understanding the amount of time. Well now that he is married to a woman who has 3 children of her own, he doesn't ever want to take them. They say it's not fair that our kids get to do all of these things and they can't afford to put her kids in and that taking my kids to these activities is kinda rubbing it in her kids faces. No one said that her kids have to go but me and my husband pay for these activities and our kids really enjoy them and I expect them to be taken. I have asked if I can take them myself but my ex will have to pick them up (I will stay) unless he is ok with them just coming home with me because I am not going to drive around all day to accommodate my ex and his wife's lifestlye. I feel bad for my kids because while they are with their dad, they are not allowed to have or do anything her kids don't. If my situation sounds familiar, I posted another problem we are having about an hour ago lol

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Mar. 31, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (11)
  • Sounds to me its time to go back to court. There has been a change of circumstance and the new SM is trying to dictate things and change things like it is her place, and your ex apparently does not have balls enough to tell her this is how things have always been. I would hire a lawyer and go for sole custody. When he asks why you can tell him why, and maybe he will change how he does things. Thats what I would do, and have done.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:57 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Do you mean extracurriculars? And do you have a question in all that?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • She wants to know what to do. I thought it was pretty clear, and noticed the misspelling but I am not the spell check cop.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:59 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I think what gemgem said is pretty good advice.

    Answer by mommy_jules at 1:03 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • You don't like the situation, then go for sole custody. Otherwise, suck it up and get over it. And tell your children the same thing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • ANON, both spellings are correct, you can make it two words, thanks though. My question is am I being unfair to ask this. We both agreed upon it but he has had a big change in his life. On the other hand, why should my kids miss out because their SM can't afford the same for her kids?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:05 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • It is very unlikely that I would get sole custody, they really only do it in my area in cases of abuse or neglect

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:06 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Well what you described in the other post is neglect. He is sending them to school in ratty clothes and who knows what else is going on in their house? Obviously your kids are second to her kids. I would ask the kids what is going on over there and see what they say. Whether you win or not is not the point, you can go in and end up with a better order that makes him have to take the kids to their activities and what not. Just call a lawyer and find out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Well, letting go of the spelling mistake--(not important, we all know what she meant!)
    Your kids are used to these activities, and there is no reason to stop them from enjoying them, just b/c he got married. His own kids need to come first, financially. I say this:
    They need to keep going. If you are willing to take them, he should be willing to pick them up. If it becomes a problem, yes, take it to court; not to get full custody, but to ensure that they are continuing the lifestyle they are used to. the new wife's kids are of no concern to you or your kids. He decided to marry again, he needs to ensure his biological kids have what they need first.

    Answer by Saya at 7:45 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • All you can do is go back to court. As it is now, its his time with the kids, what he does not does not do is his business. You have a good claim in court, sense the his situation has changed and he was willing to do these things before. My son, once missed every other Saturday of soccer games because his father would not take him on his weekends. Believe me, he has never forgotten.
    PS. Please don't spell check my reply... LOL

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:23 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.