Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Should we give MIL even more money? Vent & Question...

Okay, here's the story. We pay more than half of my MIL's house payment every month because she insisted she neededa 3 bedroom 2 bath house for just her.  The house is next door to my SIL and she refused to look at any others.  Because of a buyout, she has gotten more than $90,000 for her previous home and could have already paid for the one she was in, but instead she used buyout money for other things and we are stuck paying for half her house since she is on a fixed income.  Now she calls and doesn't ask she says we have to pay the full amount of the payment (we've already given her half this month) because she paid my SIL's house payment instead of her own.  Basically, her house payment is due tomorrow and she wants $500 tonight so she can pay it.  I don't think we should have to shell out even more money when she got herself into this mess.  When we agreeed to pay $300/month of MIL's mortgage I wanted to send it straight to the bank, but she wanted it in her account so she could write a check and they wouldn't know she couldn't make the payments herself.  Would it be wrong to just start making the payments to the bank so at least I know it's going where it should?

Note: My SIL quit her job and her husband doesn't make enough to pay all the bills.  She's not looking for another job and she knew he didn't make enough to make ends meet when she quit.  Her youngest child is a senior in high school and there was no reason for her to quit other than she was sick of working. 


Asked by scout_mom at 3:25 PM on Mar. 31, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 41 (125,190 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • So with that being said... HOW COME SIL and hubby w/HS and son stay in their house, when they cant pay their bills???? * Couldnt they stay with MOM and help her???* 3 bdrms. That way THEY COULDPAY HALF THE BILLS and MOM could pay the rest. IS she still holding this other money from the sale of the other house??? (hoarding it??)

    Even IF YOU GUYS DID PAY THE BANK directly, that still means mom will still be asking for money from you all anyways and knowing you ... you'll still give it to her. (lol) Have you tried to put her on a budget and tell her this is all she gets from you, so she needs to not spend her money or be paying others bills.

    Answer by kkbird at 3:34 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • No I wouldnt give her the money. Id tell her to sell the house or refinance it because shes living beyond her means, and to move in with the sil and help her.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:27 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • It's not your job to take care of the rest of your family. I understand you want to help and make sure everyone has a home, but that's not right. You need to stop enabling them to make bad decisions. The mother could have paid her home's a choice she made. You ar ein no way responsible. I wouldn't make a single payment for her from this point on.

    Answer by Renee3K at 3:28 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I would tell her that it is her own problem to make her house payment, that you are already taking care of half of it since she is unable to do this herself. I would also tell her that you will be changing the arrangement and sending it straight to the bank and if that isn't acceptable to her then she can make the whole payment herself or she could always go live with her daughter since she is making their house payment instead of her own and depending on you and her son.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:29 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I have no doubt she wouldn't pay the mortgage anymore. Cut her off. Let her hurt awhile. She made bad choices and it's not your guys' job to bail her out. (That's what the government is for, LOL!) J/K

    Answer by Renee3K at 3:35 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Hope this doesn't sound harsh- but you are enabling your mom (and indirectly your sister) to act stupid with their finances. Tell her you can't help her anymore this month- but if her home gets foreclosed on you have a couch in the living room that she is welcome to sleep on.

    Oh and make sure it's your husband that tells her that and not you.

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 8:01 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • wow,you sure got yourselves in a mess!
    No,don't give her anymore money!
    Are you at least on her home deed?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:29 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • She is the only person on the deed of her house, but she wants to get it signed over to my husband at some point. We don't want the house or to take on the whole house payment so we are avoiding getting him on the deed. I'm afraid if she did that she wouldn't pay any of the payment.

    Comment by scout_mom (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I agree with kkbird. SIL and family should move in with her or she move in with SIL. Sounds like they are trying to take advantage of you. Tell her you will do it this ONE time(assuming you can), but if she needs more she needs to get a roommate or move to a more affordable home. Dealing with family is always touchy. Good luck with whatever you do.

    Answer by nova.mommy at 3:46 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • No way! I would not give her any more money this month and not any month after this at all. She bought a house she can't afford and there is no reason for your family to pay for it. You need to put your foot down and your husband needs to tell her that you guys can no longer pay for any portion of her mortgage. I'm not sure how you guys were convinced that this was in any way a good idea...... You need to end it.

    Answer by slw123 at 8:45 PM on Mar. 31, 2011