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Marriage

My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year now and we are going to have a baby end of April. I already have a son who is 3 and his father left me before his first birthday and we had been dating for 4 years so it was very difficult for me to get into another serious relationship. My boyfriend is great with my son and takes care of my son where hs father doesn't want anything to do with him. We weren't planning on having a baby, I was on birth control. My boyfriend is really happy about the baby and things are going well.

We have talked about getting married but we would like to wait until we have the extra money for it, things are really tight for us right now. He bought me an engagement ring a while back but we had to take it back so we would have the money for more important things. We were raised differently and my parents don't really care if we get married right now, if we did they would be supportive, and if we waited they would be fine with that too. His mom wants us married ASAP! She is being really pushy about it and constantly brings it up. She says it's a sin for us to be together right now. She said she would pay for us to have a small wedding, but I don't really want to go through all of that because of family problems right now, so my boyfriend and I told her we would go to the courthouse and get married but we would like to wait to have a wedding when we could enjoy it more. She said that was fine but we have to have two witness's and my boyfriend said my mother was going and she said that my mom could pay for half then. This made me mad because my mom doesn't want to push us to get married! I asked her to come for my support not to try to get her to pay for it when his mom was the one who offered!

I'm not really pushing for it because we have so much other stuff going on. Since we have only been dating a little over a year I am also honestly scared to get married, but then again if we did I think it would ease my mind about us staying together. I only worry about it because of the past not because I honestly feel in my heart that my bf would leave me. But you never know what could happen in the future. I guess I'm a little confused on how to feel about it. I love him and I don't want to be with anyone else, I want our family to be happy and had what I did growing up. I'm just bothered by his mom trying to make us get married, I know I love him and I honestly don't feel that a piece of paper is going to change much of anything. I would like to wait until we have the extra money for it...

Also I don't think my boyfriend is agreeing with me on waiting because he is scared to committ or anything. He actually brings it up more than me and I'm the one who is a little hesitant.

Am I wrong for wanting to wait?

 
kayaiden8907

Asked by kayaiden8907 at 8:21 PM on Mar. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,262 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Oh, and if you DID decide to go ahead and make it official because she offered to pay, tell her "you gotta foot the entire bill like you originally offered. My mom can't be splitting the bill because she has her own priorities."

    BTW, I do not believe a piece of paper makes you "married." Legally, yes, but if you two are committed to each other, then a piece of paper won't change a thing. You ARE married, you just don't have that legal piece of paper ;)
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 8:55 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Get married when you are 100% ready not a moment sooner.
    thecoffeefairy

    Answer by thecoffeefairy at 8:24 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Absolutely not. Wait as long as you need to. If money is the concern you could always just do it at the court house and have a big wedding later on when you have the money. Good luck!
    merandaobrien

    Answer by merandaobrien at 8:26 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • Don't not get married because she's being pushy, but don't get married because she is being pushy (does that make sense? LOL).

    I agree, get married when you are 100% SURE you are ready. My husband and I were "forced" to get married, not by either of our parents (OK, my dad sorta kinda), but by my pastor. I regret not waiting at least another month in order to prepare for the wedding. I also regret following his advice on "don't invite too many people because of the shameful way you are getting married." (I was 2 months pregnant with oldest when we did get married.)

    We were engaged before I found out I was pregnant (I had a feeling, and I expressed to him I thought I was), and I knew we would be together forever, but those first couple of months were very rocky and I truly wish we had waited till he at least had gotten settled with our own apt.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 8:52 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I agree with merandaobrien - wait if you want but if you are waiting for the money - it costs very little to get married at the courthouse. I don't understand why people get so caught up in the cost of it and putting on a big show for everyone. At the end of the day if you want to be married do it - all it really needs to be is you and your SO - a big ceremony or ring won't make it last any longer. Then when you have more money have a celebration with your family.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 8:46 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • I don't want a big wedding, I don't have a lot of family and I don't really like his so I really don't even want a wedding, if we had one it would basically be to make him and everyone else happy. The thing is we don't even have the money to go to the courthouse right now, I know it is only like $80 but we can't even budget that right now. $80 could go a long way for gas or towards bills, so that's what I'm waiting on the money for. I woul dbe perfectly happy with a courthouse wedding. That's what my parents had and they have been married 21 years :)
    kayaiden8907

    Comment by kayaiden8907 (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • OMG! A courthouse wedding is like $50 where I am from. I would pay the $50 yourself for the sake of not having to deal with the meddling. Have both your moms there, and when you have your "big wedding" let her chip in if and where she wants but I wouldn't let her "buy a say" in your wedding.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:12 PM on Mar. 31, 2011