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Should I do what my dad wants, or what I want??

Okay, a little background info. I'm only 18 and my boyfriend is older. I am 5 months pregnant with our first child. My dad can NOT stand my boyfriend. I am REALLY happy with my boyfriend. My dad sat me down last night and listed reasons why my child should not have my boyfriends last name, basically that he is a pos and will not take care of us. But my boyfriend already wants to be supporting me, we are currently looking for a house but until then I'm living with my dad. We do plan on getting married after the baby is born and we're in our own house. The way my dad is acting is really making me not want to be around him. I really do not know what to do. I do not want this baby coming into a place where it is resented because of the father. I've spent the last month VERY unhappy and crying all the time. I just do not know what to do anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Nov. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Listen to your father.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 7:58 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Is your bf a pos? Does he work and make enough money to support a family? Does your dad have valid points? If you and your bf are doing everything you can to live a good life, follow your heart! Prove your dad wrong, he will eventually come around.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 8:03 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Sounds like dad is supporting you not the b/f. I think you should take your dad seriously and consider all the reasons that he is unhappy with your boyfriend. Sometimes it's easier to see a situation from the outside. If you seriously consider all things & still decide to stay with your b/f, your dad will come around eventually. Especially when he sees that this person is good for you & your child. Also, you can choose your dad's last name for the baby now, and change it later after you get married. I did that with my son. It cost me $5 to have it changed on the birth certificate 2 years after he was born. That will give you time to prove to your dad that your b/f is a good husband and father and appease your dad at the same time. It may be that your b/f turns out to be a wonderful husband and father. It's always best to a least consider what dad has to say.
    pinkink

    Answer by pinkink at 8:15 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Sometimes Dad knows best, sometimes he doesn't.

    WHY does your father disapprove? Figure that out first. And be honest with yourself. Leave sex and the baby OUT of the equation....if there was no baby and the two of you had never slept together, would you still be together?
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:25 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • u should look into what your dad is saying. sometimes when we are pregnant our feelings get entangled and we see things in our men that aren't really there. but don't get stuck out there alone and single parenting because of your father's misconceptions of your bf. give your bf a chance and if he messes up make sure u are prepared.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 8:28 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • Ultimately, you have to do what you think is best. The best way to make sure you are doing that is to take your father's reasons and really evaluate them in regards to your boyfriend. If dad says he isn't doing anything to support you, then look at the situation. Is he doing anything to support you: providing money, emotional support, anything? If the answer is no, look at why. And be honest with yourself. Don't feel obligated to defend him b/c he's the father of your child and your bf. If you feel the urge to say, "well, no he's not giving me money but it's only b/c ....." decide if that "because" is legit, or just an excuse you're making. And if you think that dad is wrong, then do what you think is right. Just remember, though, that if you turn out to be wrong, dad may say I told you so. Be prepared to swallow your pride to go back to dad if, by some chance, he's right.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:38 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • in experience i would give the baby your last name just in case things do not work out between the 2 of you...and if things do you can always legally change the last name once you marry
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • listen to your heart and look at all the positives!! and if you KNOW you and your bf will be together and happy and married...have his name on the birth certificate. i know someone who thought they were gonna get married and didnt...now they have joint custody and its just a huuuge mess. i didnt put my babys father on the birth certificate and it was a really good idea. if he wants anything he has to go to court and everything. but if you know that you guys truly love each other and he has the means to support you two...then go for it! prove your dad wrong. you know your relationship with your bf better than he does.
    Keeely07

    Answer by Keeely07 at 9:46 PM on Nov. 28, 2008

  • I don't care what anyone thinks of your bf...it does not matter. that baby has a right to know his father even if the two of you never get married...he is a ....what ever his dads last name is. He has a right to that name. I cannot stand the sight of my ex and we were married for 14 yrs and he never sees his kids..his choice..or pays support...but my kids are Alexanders and have a right to know that and be proud. I tell them to make that name worth having...just because thier dad is an asshole doesnt mean all Alexander's are.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 2:48 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Yes I agree.....listen to your father!! ....wish I had......
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 4:58 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

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