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How bad is this?What do I do?

Well, I know it's pretty bad, but what do I do. I'm a married christian woman(3yrs).My hubby is 12 yrs older than me, and lately I've been wishing I had married someone my own age.Lately I've even been wishing to find someone my own age to be with.I haven't actively gone searching but the fact that I'm even thinking like that is so bad.It feels sinful even to be thinking like this, but I can't seem to help it.I love my husband and family very much.What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Jul. 9, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (12)
  • hon,

    I'm not even christian anymore. However, I honor my marriage vows. My husband is 17 years older than I am (I am 41). I love him for the wonderful characteristics that he brought to our relationship. He loves me, he respects me, and he is faithful.

    I don't know ANYTHING about your relationship. I just know that age is a really small thing. There are so many other aspects of compatibility. If you really love your husband, please try to focus on those things about him tat are wonderful, and forget about the age difference.
    lawmom623

    Answer by lawmom623 at 9:39 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • how much life did you actually get to live before getting married? in familes that i have worked with, i have found that when someone generally makes a comment about issues concerning their partenr being significantly older than them, it primarily has to do with not having had the opportunity to experience life to the same degree that their older partner had prior to the relationship. might i suggest scheduling some regular time with your girlfriends that are your age and doing some things that you always promised yourself you would do but have set aside. i think it will make you feel much better and probably introduce a new "spark" in your marriage.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 9:42 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • I'd just turned 21 and he was 33yrs old when we first met.He was my first and we've been together ever since.I moved out of my parents house when I was 19 and had only one date before I met him.Never had a serious relationship before him but I thought that was how it should be.Some does have to do with not having had the opportunity to experience life to the same degree that he had prior.The rest is mostly the fact that he doesn't seem to have the energy to help me raise our 3 year old.His sons are off to college and now he's starting over.I want more kids but it doesn't seem possible with his age.He's always sleepy, grumpy, tired.He's 42 now and I'm 30.It didn't seem a big deal at all untill now.Thank you very much for the advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • I am 40 and my husband is 43 he is a workaholic and a great father. I think maybe all your hubby needs is to excercise a little more to feel more energetic. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Do try to have dates with your hubby and remember why you fell in love with him. The grass is not greener on the other side, just different and that to would become old if you don't keep the spark up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • It actually is sinful to think of another person in that way while you are married. Maybe try praying that the thoughts go away every time you find yourself whishing the other stuff. Wishes don't come true but prayer does.
    Susan0976

    Answer by Susan0976 at 10:58 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Sweety...42 is not old and he really should have the energy to help you with your children. My kid's grandparents do a lot with our kids and they are way above 42.
    Susan0976

    Answer by Susan0976 at 11:01 PM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Prayer and meditation can help you calm your fears. Find an older woman to talk with that you feel comfortable talking to. Often times, it is a phase we go through and having someone to talk with really helps. Perhaps your preacher's wife is someone like that that can be helpful. Don't blame yourself and put yourself down. Love is a strong emotion and can heal most pain.

    Perhaps a doctor's appointment is in order to see if is healthy. Your husband may have low blood sugar or an ailment that makes him more lethargic.
    fotofalcon

    Answer by fotofalcon at 12:40 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • Well I know it takes a lot of energy to keep up with a three year old, but your husband should have more energy...42 isn't old. My husband was 40 when our first child was born and he was able to help out fine, so I'm thinking your husband should get in for a check up. Depression and stress can also make a person very tired...is he unusually stressed or worried about anything?

    But the thing is you say you love your husband, so when begin wishing for someone else just remind yourself what it is that you love about your husband and what attracted him to you in the first place. Don't be hard on yourself though because it's normal for marriages to have their ups and downs. Marriage counseling might be a big help; it could help the two of you to open up to each other and reconnect. Take care and I wish you all the best.
    Feridust

    Answer by Feridust at 2:06 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • Think about this: what could a man do if he was 12 years younger that he can't do at your husband's age? The answer really is NOTHING. Without knwoing WHY you feel that way its hard to give advice. But whatever the issue is that you feel age is a factor in, then try to discuss it with him. :-)
    seakla

    Answer by seakla at 8:52 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • If you love your husband and you have a good marriage then stay with him, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:09 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

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