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6 Bumps

I always said I'd never cheat....

but I did. I have no idea what to do at this point. I love my husband, but the passion and interest isn't there anymore. We met when I was very young and I feel that I've grown and he hasn't. This doesn't at all justify my wrong doing. I would just grow the balls to fess up and leave because he deserves better than me, and I deserve to be happy too. However, I've been a stay at home Mom for 6 years (when I was 19 and had baby #1) and make no money to support myself if I were to leave.... I can't stand the thought of losing my entire family, though I do know this is what I risked with having an affair.

I honestly never thought I could be stupid enough or vulnerable enough to do something this low and terrible to myself, family or the man that I had the affair with. None of them deserved it. My husband doesn't suspect anything, and my family would never expect me to be the type to do something like this either which makes it harder to admit to, even though I feel like it would be the right thing. ... I don't really have a specific question, but would like advice, or bashing if you feel it's necessary. Thanks all.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 AM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I sympathize with you. I truly do. You're in a hard place right now momma. You know what you did was wrong. If you don't come clean, I feel that this will eat you up inside. The sooner you do confess, the better. You have to be prepared for your husbands reaction. He will likely be angry and hurt, and rightly so. Cheating does not necessarilly mean the end of a marriage though. This can be worked through if thats what you both decide. It will be a long road. If you decide to go your separate ways, welfare can help until you can find a job to get you on your feet. I wish you the best of luck.
    Miss_Kay

    Answer by Miss_Kay at 2:54 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • You need to take a night and figure out if you are going to fix this or break your family up. Than you need to go get tested and if you are going to fix this you need to figure out if it is going to do anything good for him in knowing what happened or if you will only be reliving yourself of guilt and breaking his heart. Each situation is different. If you telling him will do nothing but hurt him and take guilt off of you though you need to suck up the guilt and deal with it.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Well said Ms. Kay. I agree with everything that she said. God luck too you.
    prissysayshi

    Answer by prissysayshi at 4:40 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Even the mighty fall dear.  Your human, you made a mistake.  Yes, I've been there.  I would suggest first doing some serious inner searching and figuring out exactly what was going on in your head.  You can't expect an affair which is new and exciting and full of lust and passion to compare with a relationship where there are bills, kids, responsibility.  Own up to it.  Tell your spouse.  It sucks and it's extremely hard but it is what it is.  When I say "own up to it" I mean completely.  Sincerely apologize.  I too knew what I was risking but we're all dumb dumbs at some point.  And I agree with anon.  If your only telling him to relieve your own guilt, save it.  Learn from it, grow from it, but never tell anyone.  If your telling him because you feel like he has the right to know, go for it.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 5:45 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Keep your mouth shut if you want your family. Talk if you want to lose them. It's that simple. Figure out why and what you are missing in your life and relationship. Seek independent counselling if you can. It's not a lie to say you have issues you need help working on. Break all contact with the other person, no matter the choice to stay or go. Get a STD test, you owe that to yourself more than anyone else.

    I know a lot of ladies here will disagree on keeping quiet. But just look what we women to do men who confess to cheating. We tell others to dump them and dump them quickly. Well, men get the same exact advice too. The big thing is, never do it again, ever. You recommit to the relationship. You double your efforts in building a loving relationship. You do the work needed to change yourself. You do the work and it is work and you don't look back. Good luck no matter your choice.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 7:34 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Keep quiet. You were bored and probably being neglected by hubby. Don't do it anymore. It will lower your self esteem and want to do that with others too. Just be strong and avoid the other dude.
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 8:32 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Fess up and face the consequences. You know what you did was wrong. You are feeling guilt. Own your actions.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 8:36 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Thats a hard situation.. I am sorry your in it. And the ladies are right your human. we all make mistakes.. but is hard as it is going to be you should tell him dont try to hide it. it will eat you alive. And stay away fro this guy. Be honest and tell him how you feel. Good luck.
    smile123379

    Answer by smile123379 at 8:43 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I think you should tell your husband because if it were him youwould expect him to come clean. He may ask you and him to go to couseling or ask you for a divorce but if you dont tell him you are going to carry the guilt until you cant stand it. If you carry the guilt it may destory your whole entire family and your husband will not forgive you and he may not be able to trust after hearing this. My advice is to come clean before it gets worse for you.
    shelle21

    Answer by shelle21 at 8:47 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Keep quiet? Really? Add dishonesty on top of cheating? First cheat on the guy, then lie about it.. Yeah, that's what marriage is all about.. One lie only leads to another and another..
    So you are encouraging her to add liar to her 'list' of mistakes?
    Terrible..

    You made a mistake.. Own up to it and face the music..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 9:33 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

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