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2 Bumps

I'm so confused. What do I do??--long story

Almost three years ago I found out that my husband was buying a ton of adult videos, tivoing tons of skin flicks, etc. He was lying about all of this and this was something I never thought that he was doing. He was spending a ton of money on these videos. He admitted he had a porn addiction, etc. So we sought counseling and I decided to stay. I stayed mostly b/c he agreed to take a lie detector test and passed. They asked him if he was cheating and he passed that part. It has taken us a long time to rebuilt and grow. I recently quit my job and decided to stay at home with the two kids we have now. He direct deposits his entire check into my acct and has me handle all the finanances b/c he is bad with money and so I can see what is being spent. Last night I discovered he has been only depositing some of his money. He is cashing a 384.00 check every two weeks for several months! He still tried to lie even when the proof was in his face. He finally tells me that yes he wanted to keep at least 50.00 in his pocket and then he got a raise which made it jump up to the 384.00. I asked him where this money was going to every two weeks and the best I could get out of him was food, a few books, and money added to his metro card. I am not an idiot. Who spends that kinda money on little things like that? He has no money saved from this. He always spends our main money pot on everything and even gave me many guilt trips about how he has no money in his own account or in his pocket. I think that I want to leave but not sure what to do. I gave up my career to stay home with the kids. I feel like he might be doing things he isn't suppose to be with this money. Please give me any advice. I am heartbroken. I thought we were past the lying and we just got our trust back on track not that long ago. I have no idea what else this man could be doing.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • maybe he IS spending the money on food and things. if he stops off for a cheeseburger from mcdonalds those meals are what $6 or more now. let him have is $50
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:39 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Have you been out much lately? $50 is not alot of money. My husband spends that much every two weeks for his things for work (food, gas etc). I think maybe you are being irrational. Plus it is his paycheck. I think $50 is not much to ask.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:45 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Only you can decide what is best for you. I understand that your trust is not fully there since he lied before but give him the benefit of the doubt.
    jnb71584

    Answer by jnb71584 at 9:46 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • $50 isn't a lot, but $384 is
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I don't think you guys are really reading this question. He is hiding/lying/blowing $384.00 every two weeks and can't account for it. It's not the money I am concerned about. It's the lying especially with the history I explained with the porn addiction, etc. Who eats $384.00 of food in a two week period? Every day was a lie. He would get detailed with his lies and it really hurts.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:52 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • he even went to the extreme to make us take $1500.00 out of our savings to cover christmas b/c he didn't have any money. we are about to file bankrupsty and they are looking thru our income, etc with a fine tooth comb. he isn't very smart b/c i would have found out that way too.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:54 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • i thought tthats what you ment sorry. i think that you are completly right with what your saying. if he has this addiction obviously thats where his money is going. like you said noone spends that much money on food or anything in two weeks. i think that since youve already tried to go through counseling and work things out that you should try and get away. like you said its more about the lieing than anything else. if he was honest the first time you asked then maybe you could have tried to work it out but hes lieing and obviously cant change. if hes taking from his family than hes more worried about his habit. good luck
    adriana1024

    Answer by adriana1024 at 9:58 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • 50 every two weeks? I could see spending that here and there. Since there have been trust issues in the past, I think it's reasonable to ask him for receipts. if nothing else, then you can budget for 'incidentals'

    don't just to conclusions, he could be telling the truth.
    hang in there and talk to him.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 10:00 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • People.. He is NOT spending 50 bucks every two weeks!!! He is spending 384 every two weeks.. That is a bit much for fast food and a couple books..
    let it go for two more wees but tell him you want receipts for everything so you can calculate it yourself.. If he agrees, no problem.. If he freaks out.. problem..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 5:00 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • One more thing.. It's not just the money, he has been lying about it for some time.. Lying is huge when they have been to counseling for trust issues.. This is not just a guy who wanted a little pocket money.. this is a guy who is bowing close to 800 bucks a month and has been lying about it.. Consider that..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 5:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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