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3 Bumps

Advice on getting out of state guardianship? (Child in MI) adult content

My DH has a stepsister who had 5 children. One of her children died after a car accident that was her fault. Her 2 eldest children she lost custody of to their father due to being unfit. She lost her youngest child to her father due to being unfit. She now only has custody of her middle child (her son--I'll call him SNIL for step nephew in law). There is no father in the picture, because she does not know who the father is, so he's never been involved. SNIL has been telling FIL and SMIL things about what's going on in his house, and he's gone so far as to say that he'd rather put a gun to his head and pull the trigger than keep living with her (BTW-they talked to him about it, he said he wouldn't actually do it, but just that he didn't want to live with her). One thing that DH did find out about was that SSIL (step sister in law) came out in front of 13 year old SNIL in a bra and a thong asking him to take "sexy pics" of her for her Facebook page... :( Poor boy!

Anyway, FIL and SMIL wanted to get guardianship, but since FIL has some health issues, and they both work full time, and they are getting up in age, they don't think they can do it. So, they mentioned it to DH. DH would LOVE to get guardianship. SNIL is an awesome kid from what I hear (only met him once). One major problem is that we do not live in the State where SNIL is--actually my DH is military and we are overseas. However, we can provide for him. In the state they are going through (MI), anyone can request guardianship of a child, and anyone can suggest a guardian for a child. Also, at age 14, a child can request a different guardian from the Court. SNIL will be 14 in June. FIL and SMIL would suggest DH be a guardian. And DH would of course apply to be a guardian. But, we have NO IDEA what the process it, or where to start. We also don't know if it will affect things if we have 4 children of our own (three together, one is my "bonus" daughter that DH had with his ex wife). Our children and us being overseas would be the only negative. We have a stable home, stable income, can provide medical and dental coverage and care, can provide a quality education, would help him maintain contact with his family back home, can provide food, clothing, school supplies, extracurriculars, etc without child support from the mother (the State usually has the parent pay the guardian support, but we wouldn't ask for it).

Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Apr. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I am a foster parent in the state of Michigan, and I am not sure how they will handle that, but I can tell you that during all of our training, the continually told us that in placement of a child, they will first seek family members and/or the people the child recognizes as "like family".

    It would help you out being family, and another consideration they would make would be based on whether you would be willing to adopt if the child cannot be placed back with a parent. They do really push for reunification, and it would look favorable if you left room to "work" with the mother and try to foster some sort of relationship. Their reason being that breaks in attachment cause permanent future damage with the child's ability to form healthy attachments. They will want to know that if placed in your home, that will be the last stop for the child and that you will foster a relationship with siblings and the rest of the family.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 5:15 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Michigan will probably go for it. That state is broke when it comes do DCF, you practically have to murder your kid in front of a DCF worker to get your kid's taken away. Their system is so overtaxed that considering all you've said here they would love to see the child go to a stable home. All you can do is try. I suggest cntacting a family lawyer up in MI to start the process or see what you have to do.

    Answer by vbruno at 10:21 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Call DCF and ask them. good luck to you all. Its better to get him away from her sooner than later. this can affect him for a LONG time. emotional trama abuse.

    Answer by kkbird at 10:57 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • We would most definitely want to maintain his relationship with his family. He has sisters and his mom, plus my IL's (grandparents,great grandparents, etc). And we would gladly adopt if he wanted us to if they wouldn't allow him to go back to his mom's.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:46 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Good. Sounds like you are well on your way then. I know they would not like hearing things like "We have to get him away from his terrible mother" because it would throw up an instant red flag that you may try to sever a relationship with the family. As long as they know that you are supportive of maintaining involvement with family if it is safe and possible, that you will act in the best interest of the child.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 7:39 PM on Apr. 1, 2011