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What should I do about my mother?

We split a house. My husband and I have one suite with our two girls, my mother and her husband have the other. We split rent and all bills. There are two refrigerators and two separate food storage places. My daughter has been calling her MOM. and im Mami. But she RESPONDS TO THIS! She screwed up with me (left me alone while she slept all day) almost my whole childhood and is trying to take MY daughter now. Shell say MOM and my mom is like,Yes samantha? WTMFH. We have to leave here! theres no rentals avaliable where we live so we cant move yet n im NOT going to a motel.

but now she wants to start school. its 13,000!!!! for ONE YEAR and you get your associates. ummmmmm the community college wants 8,000 and its here, in AR, not CA. And shes like, will you help me with my fafsa??? UM. you know you wont get squat whne we move in a few months , right?? oh but i will this year and then ill just pay it off (she has NO money) so i tell her like it is. you will have better luck going to the local one mom. and she flies off the handle. so i dont REALLY want to help her anymore. i figure if shes gonna ignore me then why should i help her with it since she 'quote' knows what shes doing. its a fast course and she cant even finish cleaning a room without procrasinating and giving up....shes not gonna finish school so

why should i help her and set her up for failure with the fast course so she can blame me later for making her go to school???

 
shortycmlb

Asked by shortycmlb at 12:51 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,987 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • You dont need to help her with school stuff. She is a grown woman. I got my degree without asking my kids to help me. And yes, one of them was grown when I finished college AND living here.
    As for your dd, well you have to fix that. My mom was the same. She remarried a guy who had no kids and she couldnt have more apparently. When I had mine she had them calling him DADDY and her MOMMY. I finally took the kids away from her entirely. No overnights, nothing. She would get summer visits with them bc I was nice, but that ended. I finally moved 8 hours away and let me tell you it was the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my kids. Some people are just toxic.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:59 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I don't about all the school stuff but I would unequivocally correct your daughter every time she says it and say "no sweetie that is GRAMA and I am MOM" every single time your daughter says it just nicely correct her and if your mom won't reinforce that then you need to get out of that situation. One of my best friends had that living arrangement for years to the detriment of her marriage and every other thing in her life. It's my personal opinion that is never a healthy situation. adult children need separate lives from their parents.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 12:54 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I think your mother is out of line for letting your children call her mom. She doesn't even correct them.. and as for her schooling.. I wouldn't help her. I would tell hr there are ad visors who can help her. All she can do is get mad at you for not helping. You said you live in a different part of the house.. then I would just stay there and ignore her.
    annabelle092810

    Answer by annabelle092810 at 12:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • gemgem thats what ive been thinking im going to have to do. shes one of the weepy oh poor me types but it stopped bothering me when i was 7. thanks
    shortycmlb

    Comment by shortycmlb (original poster) at 1:02 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I'm confused.. If she was not a good mother and you don't have a good relationship in the first place, why do you live together? Aside from that.. Have you instructed your daughter that YOU are the only mom in her life? Do you correct her when she calls your mother 'mom'? Have you told your mother to correct her?
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 4:51 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I have and she just ignores me. my daughter is 2 and i do. daily. both me and my husband correct her my my mother acts like thats how its supposed to be. things werent this bad when we moved in and she was going to get evicted if we didnt help so we moved in together so she could get caught up on her bills and we could pay off our car before our daughter came. Which we did. She didnt. There are NO rentals that are safe (etc wires showing mold) or that are in our price range.so were stuck for the time being.....
    shortycmlb

    Comment by shortycmlb (original poster) at 5:42 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I'm sorry.. what an uncomfortable situation..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 8:53 AM on Apr. 2, 2011

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