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Which is more Important, your happiness of the happiness of your child(ren)?

My daughter is a very happy toddler, and I am a happy mom. I love that I get to stay home with her and work on school...being able to spend all of my time with her has made her so smart and makes me incredibly happy. However I am with her dad and he does not make me happy, Im not really in love with him...but I love her to death. I figured I could stay with him so that I could be with her all of the time (we did a custody arrangement before and I was absolutely miserable when she was with him). I miss having a companion and someone adult to be with, but I am afraid of what us not being together would do to her and what me not being with her all of the time would do to me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • My children's happiness is more important than my own. However, children can sense unhappiness, and if you're unhappy, eventually it could make her unhappy.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:00 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I 100% agree to wendy, however I understand what you are saying in your situation also - Good Luck Mommy..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • my children being happy is more important to me by far.. they only live at home with us for such a short time. Seeing you unahppy however is bound to make her unhappy in the end.. do whats right for you both
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 1:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • My happiness is the most important. If I am not happy my kids wont be either. I was with my ex and completely miserable. I was scared like you I wouldnt have time for them and of the custody situation. In the end though I left their dad and I am much happier and remarried now. Funny thing was when I left my oldest (7 at the time) asked if I was leaving her dad. I said yes. She said "Finally". They do know more than we give them credit for.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • No one has the capacity to 'make you happy' -- if you're hoping to ever base a relationship of any kind on someone else doing that for you, you're going to be a very unhappy person.

    The only person who can make you happy is you --and it's almost entirely down to how and what you think.

    Do you spend any moments in any day appreciating him? Like 'I am grateful that he works so I can be here with our daughter'? Or do you spend all day making lists in your head of how he is inadequate, unlike what you thought your fairy prince would be like, or how he persistently and continuously believes he has the right to hold his own opinion as if he was a free, independent human?

    Changing men will never change your view of other people, or what they 'should' or 'should not' be. Another person would have different flaws (in your eyes) but as many as this guy has.

    You could try freeing him, or being kind to him, and see where that goes?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:03 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • ny childs happiness is more important to me than my own, and by staying with the father to make her happy is always gonna make u unhappy im sure u can both be happy! as long as ur with someone who accepts her and well never keep her from her father...but of course my childs happiness is more important
    anayasmommy21

    Answer by anayasmommy21 at 1:06 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I think alot of us has had this thought . but from what I,ve I learned children are not stupid no matter how much people pretend things are ok they can still sense tention! it's better to be in a good divorce than a bad marriage! as long as you and the hubby have explored every possibility of working things out and there is unconditional love from both partys she will see this and understand . remember everything you do in this life is a life/learning lesson for your little angel. would you want her to be in a bad marriage? how can you show her how to deal with lifes problems?! no matter what you will always be her #1 momma!!!!!! I promise!
    tinabobina311

    Answer by tinabobina311 at 1:19 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • How can I raise happy children if I am unhappy?
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:19 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • My kids' happiness is 10 times more important than my own. If they're not happy, neither am I. HOWEVER- this is one of those situations I do not agree with. You shouldn't stay together for the kids- they can sense the tension and the lack of love- and while you might be miserable that she has to go visit her dad, she NEEDS that time with him. If he is not a danger to her, then she should be seeing him regularly. You can use the time when you are away from her to do something for yourself :)
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:26 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I'm happy when my kids are happy, so it's a win-win situation.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 1:27 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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