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2 Bumps

Am I in the wrong?

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom to death but she is way too involved. She lived 5 hours away
And comes down for a week every 4 weeks. I feel overwhelmed. She is the nicest person and her and my dad do not get along so she is always bored. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • No, I think its normal, you have your life and she should have hers. I can understand that she's bored, but I don't think its fair for you to be responsible for filling that void. Yes, many people think oh your mom took care of you for 18 years, but you have children to take care of, and maybe you just need a break from mom period.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:36 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • That seems like a lot of mom visits. Could you suggest cutting back in a way that wont hurt her feelings? Does she have other siblings of yours to bless w/ her presence? Is she coming to see the grandkids? If so, maybe she could take them on a little mini-vacation or you could take them to G-ma's place. Even tho it seems like a lot, for what it's worth, my mom is 20 mins away, we talk daily & I see her at least once a week (but then she goes home-lol) I am very grateful for having her in our lives tho! :)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:39 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • she might be bored but she needs to find entertainment other than you. its not your job to keep your mom occupied for an entire week. you have a life and kids to deal with. you dont need to be the crutch of your moms social life. i have the same problem. and it hurts them when you say it the first time and you might have to repeat yourself but they WILL get the message


    eventually
    shortycmlb

    Answer by shortycmlb at 1:40 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • No matter how much you love your mother, spending a week out of every month together can be difficult. Do you feel like she is trying to step over you as mom and "show you" how to do your job? Right or wrong, if such frequent visits are bothering you, you should tell her (nicely) how you feel and ask that she makes shorter trips. Having anyone as a houseguest for a week at a time can be stressful, especially when it's your mother! If she is only taking such long visits because she doesn't get along with her husband, she shouldn't be burdening you to escape her marriage. I think there is a polite way to go about this, but you're certainly entitled to feel the way you do.
    MsKylaSkyy

    Answer by MsKylaSkyy at 1:41 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I think everyone gets frustrated and overwhelmed by their mothers from time to time. She won't always be there to overwhelm and frustrate you though, so I'd try to embrace it more.
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 1:43 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Original Poster here...She does not step on my toes with the mothering thing at all. Thats why I feel so bad. But we very rarely do things as a family together because of money and I just want the things we do like going out on the boat the first time, going camping ect. to be just us a family. She spoils my kiddos and they end up not enjoying the simple lifestyle and always want want want. I just dont know what to do. I feel so bad for feeling this way. My dad and I do not speak but I know they do not get along just because she tells me whatever it is they are fighting about that week. She does everything for DH and me and helps in anyway possible but I need my own space.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:48 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • No, I don't think you're wrong. I think you should talk to your mom about how you feel and maybe help her to find some groups to join or activities to do in her area.
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 2:22 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • say it now and say it loud. your space is yours.
    hotchocolatema1

    Answer by hotchocolatema1 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • You are not wrong, we need separate lives and her visits are a bit excessive and if she is spoiling your children (which I believe we all have done and part of what is wrong with so many kids today) then you have to lovingly address this with her. Tell her that while you appreciate all she does for you - you are trying to raise your children with an appreciation for special treats and you do not want her doing these things. You hope she'll respect that you have your own family and just need time to live your lives. Tell her she is welcome to come but may once every 6 months is better for you. She'll be hurt but she is trying to live her life and find happiness by holding on to her own child which isn't healthy - she should be seeking friends her own age and developing HER OWN life. My mom does this too.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:21 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • As a mother in aw she should "Feel" when she should keep her distance. I can have the best relationshiip in the world with my daughter on the phone We can talk for hours. But "just don't let me invade her space. There's been competiion between mothers and
    daughters since time began.You stay out of her "space" unless she spcecifically asks for your. I visit my daughter who lives in Georgia
    once every 3 or four months but Iwould never stay more than 2 nights. She's a grown woman now and it has always been said that two
    women cannnot live in the same house. Even a mother and daughter. Same goes for a mother in law. To your mom you're still a little girl.
    chantilly688

    Answer by chantilly688 at 5:50 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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