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How do i fix myself?

BF lied to me about something... and while it was major and most may have broken up with him, i decided i wanted to stay and work it out...

But I'm holding so much anger! anytime he leaves my place, i feel like he's leaving me, leaving our relationship. last night, he invited me out- then found out it was a guy's night out.. normally, i wouldnt mind, but i was upset... then i found out one of the guys invited a girl (she was his ride)-- and i got pissed about that. normally, i wouldnt care!

anytime he says anything, i question it--- was there really just the one girl there? was there a bunch of girls and he was just too embarrassed of me to take me out? normally- i dont care/mind. i know he's not embarrassed.. but since that one lie, its been like this! i have so much anger- everything.

I told him that i think we need to take a break. but honestly, i have no idea what that means. what/how will this break help me?! its not even about the trust issue-- its just me being mad about everything.

one of his male friends has a girlfriend who keeps him on lock and chain-- doesnt let him go anywhere or do anything without her... and i feel like i'm turning into her. i've always said that i wouldnt be that type of girl, but i AM now! =(

How do i fix it? fix myself? we dont even live together so when he leaves- he just goes home.. but to me, he's leaving the relationship!

Answer Question

Asked by Shy_Dia at 2:51 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,142 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • start taking care of you. Be unavailable..get busy doing your own thing

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Well since you've decided to stay with a liar and you said you've forgiven him then you gotta get past it. When you say stay and work it out, is he actually sincere in trying to work on your relationship and the fact that he violated your trust? Making plans with you then bagging you for his friends does not seem like something a man who is trying to win your trust back would do. Are you sure you aren't just deciding it's easier to stay and swallowing all this anger because he continues to treat you crappy and act distrustfully? I would evaluate how you REALLY feel about his transgression - what does the woman in the mirror say to you? It's very easy to lie to yourself and this anger keeps resurfacing so obviously it's really NOT okay with you.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 2:55 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • unavailable to the point where i never see him? b/c it doesnt matter how packed my schedule is-- as soon as he comes over and when he has to leave; it's back to square one.. even if he has to go b/c i have stuff to do that day.

    Comment by Shy_Dia (original poster) at 2:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Fixing yourself after trust has been broken is easier said than done. Believe me, been there done that. However, it is a choice. How you choose to view him, your relationship, his actions past and present is an active choice. If you find yourself wondering, stewing, thinking about "is he this or is he that".. "did this or that happen"..etc. Ask yourself. What good is this doing me? What positive affect does thinking about these things bring me? What negative affects does this line of thinking cause me? Does thinking, rehashing, what if'ing (ect) help me or the situation any? Will this line of thinking help my relationship in any way?

    Being hurt is damn hard to get over (trust me, been there done that..still married nearly 26 years later). However, eventually moving on is a choice that has to be made by the individual themselves.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:58 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I don't know you and obviously we only know what you tell us so it's easy to judge but girl I wouldn't give a man that treated me that way the time of day - If he "ain't that into me" then I don't have time for that nonsense. Sounds like you need to evaluate your self esteem and see why you would let a man date you who makes you feel like he's walking out on you every time he leaves? That's pretty messed up. I hope you find some clarity in your situation. You need to work on YOU and get out of the relationship if it isn't a positive thing.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 3:00 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • when you truly forgive forget that it ever happened and you don't concern yourself with it again. If the issue is still an issue then you need to re-evaluate the forgiveness piece of it.

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 3:07 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • its just all me though... the walking out on me feeling-- thats on ME! he asked if i wanted him to stay and i said no b/c normally, i wouldnt have minded and there's no reason for me to mind now (it was supposed to be just guys!)... i really have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.. all b/c his one stupid lie-- all of this is surfacing. he doesnt see- or even know- how this part feels for me. i dont want to tell him b/c really, what can he do? never leave my side? i dont want a relationship where i gotta be "stuck" with my BF/SO 24/7--- i want my own space, as much as i want him to have his.. i just hate this feeling; the anger and feeling unwanted, in a way, i guess... i dunno.


    Comment by Shy_Dia (original poster) at 3:09 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • the issue that he lied about is still going on (will until the end of April).... so i definitely haven't fully forgiven him for it

    Comment by Shy_Dia (original poster) at 3:12 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • have you discussed this with him??? surprisingly enough he may understand and have suggestions for you

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 3:12 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • i haven't discussed everything-- just that i feel so much anger towards him, and what he does-- and then i get mad at myself b/c i'm mad at him/the situation (when i shouldnt be!)... and he has no advice. he says that its something that i need to work through and if there was something that he can do to help, he'd do it in a heart beat... but he doesnt know what those actions/steps would be.

    Comment by Shy_Dia (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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