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FIL uses us as an excuse

Ok so my fil and mil have always had their problems, long before I ever met dh my fil had cheated on mil. He also has quite a past, lies and is just dumb. One would think being almost 60 he would calm down, but he still acts like hes in his 20s. He doesnt work and really never has since I met him in 2004. MIL told him when the kids (my kids) call him he is to drop what hes doing and give them rides, help them etc. I also had no car for awhile so he was to help me too. Honestly its been weeks since we have asked for any help from him. I have a car now because we got our taxes, and my kids are all older and have their own cars.

My mil called me yesterday and said if I needed FIL at all not to call yesterday they were going to a funeral. Normally I would not have thought alot of it. But she has called me several times in the past few weeks telling me similar things. FIL has stopped visiting, coming around and he used to. I think he is up to something. I dont want to "tell" on him but I really think she should know he isnt coming over and spending any sort of time at our house and how we havent seen him in weeks. I feel bad. I mean I think he is probably cheating again. Do I say something? I was thinking just saying "Oh I havent seen him in weeks no worries on us calling" and leaving it at that?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I would just say "oh well, I wasn't really planning to call. It's been weeks since I needed _____ for anything. It's been so long since I last saw him, how's he doing?". Then you aren't really telling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I'd tell her the truth

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:34 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I would tell her that you haven't asked him for anything in weeks (or months, whatever it is). She can come to her own conclusions about what he is doing when he says he is doing things for you.

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • i would say just like you said, we haven't seen or need him in weeks. and let her figure it out. its really not your place to tell her that you think he is cheating.

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:45 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I'd just say something neutral like you suggested in your question. If you really feel like you should say something to her, let your husband handle it. I have a feeling that she already knows or at least suspects what is going on, if he has always been like this.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 3:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Thanks yeah I dont want to get in the middle, but I dont want to be used in order for someone to lie either. I know if it came down to it and he IS cheating she would say we should have told her he wasn't coming over here. I just do not want any issues.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:47 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I agree with the others about just casually dropping into the conversation that he hasn't been around. Then she can put two and two together.

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:03 PM on Apr. 1, 2011