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3 Bumps

My husband wants to keep me a HOUSEWIFE! >:(

I have 4 beautiful children, that I love to death....but now, as the little ones are growing up- I feel like I have no purpose anymore! I was a dedicated mother for 20 years...now what? I feel....un fufilled! so, I am really considering getting a job! when I mentioned this to my husband, he laughed the idea off, and made me feel like a child! he basically said NO, my place is "in the house" taking care of him.... hell no! I want more in my life!
is anyone else going through that "i wanna be more than a mommy" anxiety?
anyone else feel empty, now that the kids are growing up?
anyone else have controlling husbands?

and does ANYONE know any jobs, that require little experience? or stay at home jobs? I've heard of stay-at-home typing jobs, or stay at home secretary jobs, or stay at home salesperson jobs- are they for real?!

Answer Question
 
mommywith4kids

Asked by mommywith4kids at 5:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 4 (46 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • My ex was very controlling. So I pretty much put him in his place and started making my own money. He felt "inmasculated" because I was making good money but you know what, he can go screw himself. I love being independent and not having to rely on anyome. What about going to school? THere are programs that can help you or even pay for schooling. They will train you to be a secretary, CNA, or all sorts of stuff. GL and don't let him controll you like that. You are your own person and a strong mother!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 5:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • My mil felt the same way. But my fil did not care too much. He complained in the beginning but I have noticed that over the last couple of years he has become more self sufficient and helps my mil out more. My mil had been a stay at home mom since my dh was born, he is now 31. When her youngest went to college (three years ago) she got a job at Children's Place. She works part time. She loves doing something. Like I said my fil and even the few kids still at home (my bil and sil still live at home) complained that mom wasn't home every night to make dinner and such but they have gotten over it.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 5:41 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Do you have a skill like photography or sewing that you could capitalize on? I had a sewing business for years out of my home. I did alterations, bridal, and home dec. Just one idea. You could also look at care.com and use the pulldown to see the job categories. There are several and there might be something that would be a match. Sittercity is also a good website if you want to do childcare. You need to do what is right for you, not what is right for your husband. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:43 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I'd ignore his attitude and opinions and get a job. Sounds like he wants you to have to rely on him.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:45 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • First, you've done your "work" as a mother and why shouldn't you feel FULFILLED? Your husband is USED to you being home and the thought of you going outside the home is scary for him. Take a class here or there, go to a community college. Get involved. It's scary to re-enter the workforce with the skills needed these days. If you want a job, get a job, but understand that your husbands concerns are real. I'm not telling you NOT to do what you want, but try to alleviate his fears. I was involved with Mary Kay and is a wonderful stay at home business and it's very powerful for self esteem. There are many other business that are within the home, but sometimes, you just need an OUTSIDE job. You deserve to feel Good about yourself and all the work you've done. Tell him the extra income could help finance a romantic get away for just the two of you. Start putting money away for wants as you've fulfilled the needs of the home. :)
    Droyal14u

    Answer by Droyal14u at 5:47 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • as far as the job factor goes, I would try volunteering first, may get your foot in the door. Jobs are hard to find now as well.

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:48 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I don't think your husband is the worst person in the world. I don't know what you expect after staying home for as long as you did. It's not like your role is suddenly going to change because it's a key factor that maintains your relationships status quo. You can try to talk to your husband but unless he's supportive of you setting out and having a job as simple as that sounds will undermine the dynamic you set in place for yourself for so long. I say don't dig your heels in too hard. Start off with baby steps. He may find it silly for you to work because he likes taking care of you and it gives him a sense of importance. It's a man's world when you stay home. I can relate sadly. My husband doesn't want me working. My ex was the opposite and treated me like a dog. If I had a choice between the two evils I'd pick not working. It's kind of petty to complain.
    JuliaB1985

    Answer by JuliaB1985 at 6:02 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I wouldn't have a Dh that tried to control me in any way. Though I'd love to be able to stay home, it isn't feasible for us financially. I'm determined to stretch my maternity leave out to maybe 3 months, but after that I will have to return to work.

    I second the go to school vote. Since you've been out of the workforce for so long its going to be very hard to find a job with a degree, let alone without one. So capitalize on your time by attending school. Figure out what you really want to do. Medical fields are usually the best. Everyones got to go to the doctor no matter the state of the economy! Perhaps study to be a nurse or medical administrator.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 6:13 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • This is my opinion, you have dedicated your life to the care and well being of your family. Your children are of age to care for themselves (partly or wholy) and you are free to move on to a different chapter of your life. You should go and find yourself a job of your liking. I think your dh is probably a little insecure with you exerting your independence and also changing your lifestyles.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:34 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • My experience has been the opposite..

    Now that it's just my husband and I at home.. I more than happy to be a "housewife".. When I left my career to become a SAHM, my son and his needs (who was 10 at the time) weren't the only reasons. My husband and his needs (and our relationship) were also part of my reasons for leaving my career and becoming a SAHM.

    I think one the main reasons for me being so happy in this role at this stage of life is: I never lost "me" to begin with. I was never "just mom", I was always "me" first and foremost. So I never feel empty or like I was "just mom". Also, my relationship with my husband really good and we worked hard to maintain a good healthy, happy relationship with one another through the years. So, we are really going through a second honeymoon phase. Living, loving and enjoying life together for just "us" like we did before we had our son. So far, being an empty nester ROCKS!!! lol
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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