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How do you deal with a heightened libido and an uninterested spouse? Don't read if easily offended by sexual topics. Serious, Mature answers only please! adult content

I am 44 years old and for the past 3 months or so I have been extremely horny. The past two weeks has been torture because I haven't gotten any from my DH in at least a month and a half! While I have been revved up, he has slowed down to, if I'm lucky, once every two months of sexual intimacy with me. It's to the point where I have resorted to masturbating at least once a day which I'm embarassed about and won't talk to anyone about it.
I have never been like this before, only over the last 3 months. I'm fantasizing alot and even entertained thoughts of sleeping with other men because my libido is so high. It's either that or I go out and buy a vibrator. Even so, the vibrator isn't going to give me the sexual satisfaction that I would feel with a man. I am feeling much frustration about this because I need the sexual intimacy and attention that I am not getting. Although I have thought about it, I wouldn't cheat for moral reasons and I love my husband. Is it normal to be this sexually aroused at my age? What would you do with a SO/DH who isn't interested?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think your libido is normal. I've heard a lot of women go through this in their fourties. And I'll be honest that my husband is going backwards too and he is 42. A lot of people think that men should always be horny, and sometimes that's just not the case, but because people feel this way a lot of women end up blaming his lack of sexual desire on themselves, so don't blame yourself. Are you comfortable with having this kind of libido? Because if not, you can talk to your obgyn and see if there is something that they can give you to balance your hormones out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • It is very normal. In fact what may be happening is called a Kundalini awakening in the yoga field. I went through one myself at age 48. I was very hyper sexualised to the point of divorcing my husband so that I could date other men. If you go to a Kundalini yoga teacher they can help you with breathing exercises, poses and meditations that will help. There are also yoga therapists that will help. Traditional therapists will label you as bi polar so be very careful about going to them right now. They will see the super arousal as a symptom of manic behavior. Kundalini awakening is a time when the true self tries to rise to full consciousness. Sometimes it does this through sexuality. It can be confusing and upsetting to someone who is not ready for the true self to emerge. But it is not just about your sexuality it is about the full self blossoming and becoming a more enlightened human being.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 11:20 AM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Why isn't he interested he he always been like this????

    Answer by older at 6:22 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • If he has just started acting disinterested, I suspect he has been deeply wounded in some way. Either that, or he has some kind of physcial problem and he is uncomfortable telling you about it. Diabetes, high blood pressure, and many medications will interfere with his sexual performance. If you are making a big deal out of your increased libido and he is in a place where he can't do anything about it, he is feeling pretty low and defeated along about now. I would change my approach and see if I could find out what the real problem is. I would not just assume he didn't want me, which is what you seem to be implying. And if that really is the problem, you should be working on the root of the why he doesn't want you. Whatever it is, this is something that the two of you should be working on together, and I wouldn't be taking care of myself either. Use that desire to find the motiviation to get the problem fixed!

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • The roles were switched about 10 years ago. He couldn't keep his hands off me but of course I would have sex with him even if I wasn't in the mood. He has health issues and lots of stress at work plus medication that effects his desire.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I don't even bother him about it anymore because he usually says he's not up to it. I have told him my desire is much stronger lately. Maybe I'm just not communicating enough about it to him. I keep it inside all the time. I am an attractive woman and men have recently told me so. I even had a guy try to pick me up last weekend. My DH tells me I'm beautiful and he loves me but there is no real intimacy between us.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:38 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Health issue, stress and medications can interfere with his sex drive. Many men are embarrassed by it and just avoid it all together. Have him talk with his MD. Other meds might be better for him and NOT affect his sex drive as much. I don't think it is a rejection to you tho. It is common for women to increase at a certain age and for men to decrease.. Get him checked out and change some meds and see it that helps..

    Answer by midnightmoma at 6:53 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • My DH & I are 43 & still VERY into each other after 18 years of marriage. Well so much so, I am pregnant again! LOL! Anyway, I think you are thinking that you are old but your not. You should sit your DH down for an intimate talk together. We are all stressed during these times and he could see a Doctor about handling the stress & changing medications that may be lowering his libido. My Sister works at a Dr.'s office and the #1 drug prescribed to men over 50 is Viagra these days. Some men are in their 70's+. So this is a common problem for men, why not address it. You are still both young and missing out on a wonderful life of intimacy.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 6:57 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • He has discussed it with his doctor and I know his meds are a factor in the sexual realm. Of course, stress doesn't help. He tried Viagra and it gave him a terrible headache, i think it was because of his high blood pressure. And he is approaching 50. I'm just finding it very hard to "abstain" and I do want to enjoy this time in my life with the man I love. Just not sure how to get there since it seems we are at different places in the sex department.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:23 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Try another Blood Pressure Medication. Avalide or Diovan have VERY little side effects & are excellent. Try Scheduling a date night once a week & keep to the schedule. Maybe he just needs a kick-start! GL!


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 8:40 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

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